Breast Cancer

Musang king - you got me!

2011-12-30T13:31:00.002+08:00

I was in quite a severe pain this week because of this culprit - musang king, the yellow flesh durian that is very rich and creamy, courtesy of my neighbour :-) Can't sleep at night because the thing throbbed really bad that I had to take pain killer to doze me off.

Well, I actually have been having durian since last week, the trees back in my hometown bare some fruits and I cannot resist looking at the king of fruit! I'm going back home again this weekend, but this time, I promise not to take any :-) Boy it was really painful. When I look back, durian is one of the forbidden item to consume while I'm on Sabah Snake Grass. Padan muka ku - langgar pantang!

Usually when I have had durian, I also drink the fresh hempedu bumi tea just to neutralize the sweetness. Unfortunately, when I had the durian at home here, there was no hempedu bumi tea to take. My hempedu bumi that grew wild in my garden pot, has been destroyed by the guy who cleared my garden recently. As the remedy, I just boil the soursop leaves and drink it as and when, and make sure I bring some to the office too. It works and the pain is now manageable.

What an experience at the end of 2011...2012 is coming, wishing everyone who reads this blog a prosperous and a happy new year. 2011 was quite a good year, hoping for a better 2012, Insya'Allah...

Ample supply of Sabah Snake Grass

2011-11-29T15:57:00.002+08:00

A friend has just called that he has ample supply of Sabah Snake Grass in his nursery. This is a very good news to me as my SSG are still growing and the leaves are still young. The matured leaves seem to work for me based on my experience taking them. My friend has ample of it now in this rainy season, real big leaves which are ready for harvest. To those in Klang Valley area who would like a supply of fresh leaves at a very minimal cost (upah petik:-), do contact me at 019-2287366. Not only that the SSG is good to treat cancer, it can also be used to treat those with high cholesterol, high blood pressure, high uric acid and diabetes. So why not give it a try...

Thankful for another birthday

2011-11-03T20:01:00.002+08:00

Alhamdulillah, I get to see 45 :-) Hope for many more years to come with good health of course. I've been busy lately with teaching loads, some shootings (as I appeared in Wanita Hari Ini (TV3) recently and will appear in Nona soon) and managing the kids who were supposed to go for surgery last month but postponed til next week.

Health wise, manageable. Felt a bit of pain lately after I had hempedu bumi blended with green apple recently. Came to know that the hempedu bumi is also call Indian Snake Grass, the cousin of Sabah Snake Grass that I've been taking :-) As for the pain, it shows that the treatment is responding. Soon the lump will get smaller and smaller and will be totally gone. At least I dreamt about it last night!

Have to pen off now to go out and celebrate...

Go green

2011-09-21T14:42:00.005+08:00

It has been almost two months since my previous entry. Well, actually I wrote one during fasting month but it did get published. Just to mention that it was a blissful Ramadhan, fasting at ease, praying at ease too. The best part is that I lost 4 kg and my BMI is now at the normal range.

Raya was a good one too. Our theme this year is 'green'. In line with going back to nature, growing greens, eating greens :-)

Raya is almost over, semester has already started and I'm back to normal life - teaching and finishing off my thesis. And at the same time, still fighting with the big 'C'.

I went to Pasar Tani Shah Alam two weeks back and glad to find the Sabah Snake Grass - very healthy and bushy plant and I grabbed 4 of them, planning to re-grow more. I revisited about SSG in the net and guess what, some do advise to just chew the leaves! I'd be like kambing (goat) soon :-) For the sake of getting better, I don't mind. But I like it better by drinking the blended SSG with green apple which reminds me, I'm out of green apple and I should drop by at the pasar malam here to get some.

Had breakfast with friends this morning and when chatting about health, they were amazed on how relax I'm when I told them that I felt another lump near my armpit. Well, as long as I'm ok, and I'm taking what I should to get rid of it, I need not worry about it. Besides, I haven't gone for my scan to check whether it's cancerous or not. I guess it's time to really go green eh!

Admitted into Hospital Ramadhan

2011-08-01T14:56:00.001+08:00

Welcome Ramadhan! Heard in the radio yesterday about embracing Ramadhan – it is as if we are admitted into Hospital Ramadhan. Take all the opportunity and grab as much as possible. I’m thankful that I can still fast at ease and perform tarawikh at ease too. I still go to the same masjid where the imam recites 30 juz of the Al-Qur’an. This time I bring along a bottle of plain water and let the cap open during the prayer time. Drinking the water that has been recited with Al-Qur’an is therapeutic too. In addition, it’s indeed a good 2 hour exercise and hopefully the lump will shrink and will totally be gone by raya time…

Another alternative - Herbs based

2011-07-01T16:12:00.002+08:00

My friend sent me a text message to find out how I was doing. She was a bit down and almost giving up with the alternative option; her lump at times shrunk and at times gets bigger. She got frustrated when the lump gets bigger especially nearing to menstrual. Well, it should be because the cancer cells are lavish with the estrogens isn’t it? Easy way out – take out the lump and the ovaries. But then again, what for…

Actually my friend was intimidated by the words of a blogger in her recent post. Well, I told her if she is not happy with it, just don’t read. We are free to write what we want, and we are free to read what we want. If we don’t like it, by all means, don’t read it. It’s a free country and we are free to choose what treatment we prefer. Personally I don’t like to go to the hospital for treatment. My BP can easily go up and I feel really stressed when I’m at the hospital. Stress is certainly not good for the cancer. When I go and see the alternative practitioner, they talk happily, act happily and usually very encouraging that it can be cured. This will certainly send positive vibes to the brain and who knows it leads to self-healing.

I recently went to another alternative practitioner who uses herbs for treatment. I came across him through a blogger who recently lost her sister to BC (who happened to be my friends’ colleague in another university). She just met this practitioner and not sure whether her sis got to meet him. This practitioner is a pensioner now (used to work in the local university) who, based on his knowledge on herbs has prepared medications to cure many ailments including cancer. I was prescribed capsules to be taken during night time and caplets to be taken in the morning. The night one is to kill the cancer cells. I don’t swallow the capsule and instead, take it out and mix with water and drink. It doesn’t taste bad and it has a bit of celery taste in it. The caplets taken in the morning is to clean the blood, small and easily swallowed and has a nice smell too. It has been three days since I took it, too early to tell but I think it’s responding well. The lump feels smaller and less throbbing. On top of it I still take the cendawan susu rimau by mixing it with my coffee and blended juice. My Sabah Snake Grass is growing and I’m going to let it grow more leaves before I harvest them.

Be it alternative or conventional treatment, we all are going to die anyway and it’s written somewhere there but we never know when and in what condition. The point is we have to be prepared at all times. Fasting month is coming and it’s a good avenue to pray for longer and healthier years. I’m fortunate that I have five kids that always pray for my good health of which two are special ones. God will answer to their prayers and I’ll be around until all of them are independent. In the meantime, I’m grateful of my condition now; even though I have cancer, I am at par with those who are free of cancer and in fact better that those who suffer other diseases like SLE, arthritis and so on. I feel good, I’m free to do whatever I want, go wherever I want at ease, eat well and sleep well too. And at the point of writing, I’m looking forward to our reunion (ex-secondary schoolmates) tomorrow, surely there will be lots of giggles and we certainly will be like kids again…

Sabah Snake Grass

2011-06-03T13:43:00.002+08:00

Recently, a friend forwarded me an email about Sabah Snake Grass (SSG) or Belalai Gajah as it called in malay, a remedy for C. SSG is a small plant like the hempedu bumi except it doesn’t taste bitter. We just need to blend some leaves together with green apple plus a bit of lime and drink it right away. I got my Sabah Snake Grass recently (my friend came back from Sarawak and brought along the SSG, the plant as well as the dried ones). I have tried it for several days now and I’m running out of leaves already, so I just boiled the dried ones and drink it. It tastes alright, just like herbal tea.

I’m in the mood of juicing lately, besides the SSG plus green apple juice, I also juice the soursop and aloe vera. Whenever I got a supply of soursop, I cut them into slices and store them in the freezer. When I feel like having one, I’ll just take out a slice and blend it together with aloe vera. My neighbour has the barbados type, real big one and she gave me some recently.

On top of the juices, I also take turmeric juice as recently discovered the powerful benefits of it. Usually ladies who have just given birth are given this turmeric juice as a uterine stimulant. When I was on confinement, I simply refuse to take this turmeric juice when my mother offered for one, but now, I’m ever willing to drink one. I have also been warned not to take it regularly as it will result in early menopause. Come to think of it, it’s in fact a natural effect of ‘tamoxifen’, to block the estrogen receptors on the breast tissue cells.

In conclusion, I’m living a quality life, traveling to work everyday, and making trips back to my hometown almost every week managing the land that we recently bought. The lump is still there; based on the alternative practitioner that I went to, said that it’s not cancerous, it’s just a growth. How does the practitioner come with that thought, I don’t know but I like to think that way too :-) Maybe my regime has shown its result and the lump must have turn benign. Well, we will see in a few months when my yearly check up is due…

Photo competition

2011-05-03T15:14:00.004+08:00

My eldest daughter entered a photo competition at her college recently whereby she has to narrate something about the photo. I suggested to her this picture and guess what, she won first prize for the competition.

This is what she wrote about the photo :

This picture of my mother is taken two years ago in Nottingham, United Kingdom. My mom is pursuing her dream to get a PhD there. Unfortunately, after a year living there, she was diagnosed with breast cancer, the number one killer among women. However, she is a very tough and strong woman. She did not give up her PhD, instead she keeps her mind positive with determination that the disease will be cured, as Allah has stated in the Quran, every disease have their cure, unless death. That is just what makes her so special. In this picture, she is smiling even though at that time, the medicine for her chemotherapy is being infused in her veins for two hours. In the meantime, she reads the book about the disease so that the time will not fly away easily. As the sun shines behind her, we know that the hope is still there..We just have to strive and don’t ever give up..That is what she always telling me..

Two years down the road, this is my latest pic - taken at the hospital where my mother was recently warded for acute pancreatitis. She got over with it, well and fine, and we can celebrate mother's day together this weekend.

Thanks to my Nokia 6630 of which both pics were taken using it - not bad eh... the phone that I've owned for 6 years now and will continue using it till the end. Blame me on not keeping up with the technology, and in fact I have a new blackberry, but I still prefer my Nokia 6630 - a sentimental value, a gift from my hubby...

Annona plant family

2011-03-31T11:45:00.003+08:00

Re-reading about soursop, and glad to find out that buah nona or sweetsop or scientific name annona squamosa is also part of annona plant family. Since soursop is hard to get, this sweetsop will be a great substitute. I can't wait to go home this weekend - my mom's nona is riping on the tree. I hope it's still there if the monkeys don't eat it...

Kind of busy this past few weeks and the stress makes my BP go up that I now have to take medication to control it. One tablet of 10mg Amlong at night does the trick but I'm looking for other substitute so that I don't have to depend of this medication throughout my life. Tasted buah tunjuk langit or mahogany recently but can't stand the bitterness of it - more bitter than apricot seed. Probably I'll get it in a capsule form.

My other worries - the radiation from Japan's nuclear reactor. I have friends and relatives staying there and pity them that they are exposed to the radiation. But how can we be sure that the radiation won't get here? Maybe the authorities can control the fruits and vegetables from Japan but what about the fish? Won't the fish at their ocean swim at our ocean? Something to ponder isn't it?

Well, we have to consume more soursops or sweetsops then...

Another anniversary

2011-02-24T13:20:00.002+08:00

It’s our 20^th wedding anniversary yesterday and thank Allah we have made it this far. Time really flies, I just can’t believe that it has been 20 years already.

This is what we got for our wedding anniversary this year – a piece of land around 1.8 acres at my hometown. Plans are on the way to cultivate this land, planting rubber trees as well as fruit trees, including soursop of course. No hurry in building a house yet as we have around ten years to go before retirement. And of course, this will be the place that we will spend our retirement years at.

Cultivating this land will certainly keep me busy. I ever blog about doing other thing so as not to worry much about this C. So, this is it. This will certainly take my mind out of it. Besides, it is also a therapy for me. Surrounded by trees, the air is still fresh, a natural oxygen therapy for me.

In the meantime, I’m feeling great, leading my day-to-day life at ease. I now have constant supply of cendawan susu harimau courtesy of a research company who is researching on the cendawan. On top of it, I am taking the apricot seeds, the real bitter ones this time. I also drink my serai tea, and habatussauda oil as well as extra virgin olive oil everyday. I’ve been trying very hard to reduce on sugar and totally take out dairy products from my diet. So far so good...

Secret of self-healing by Dr Mao

2011-01-25T14:14:00.002+08:00

I'm done with Prof Jane's book and am trying very hard to implement what I've learned from it. Surprisingly, lots of products contain milk protein; the coco crunch cereal that I bought for my kids also contain milk protein and even the powdered form coconut milk for my curry also have milk protein. Why is that so? Are they cheap that they can simply add as part of it's ingredients? And how come the kids' milk are so expensive then? Something to ponder, isn't it?

Leaving out the dairy products seems quite ok so far. I do miss the ice cream though but no worries, I can have ice lolly without milk in case I crave for one. She also suggested tofu, tempeh as substitute of proteins and I have started doing it too. While eating out, I choose tofu, tempeh and green veges plus ulam2 together with my rice. Guess what, it's cheap too :-) Most of the time, I pack my lunch from home as I have to cook for my family early in the morning anyway. And since we have a new stock of fish last week, I bet the daily menu would be fish and fish and fish with variety of ways to cook them, of course.

I'm now reading the secrets of self-healing by Dr Mao. It doesn't target specifically on curing the C but it has good tips for self-healing and for sure it will do me good...

Your life in your hands - Prof Jane Plant

2011-01-15T12:31:00.003+08:00

During my last visit, I found this book at the carboot sales - a very good bargain, I thought I'd add it to my collection. It's written by a scientist who contracted BC in 1987, had several recurrences and finally defeated her BC, using her training and knowledge as a natural scientist to understand it and to overcome it.

262 pages, hard cover, a very personalized writing, once I start reading it, I cannot stop :-) A very inspiring writing, which has given me answers to why I contracted this BC. I remember I had an email which says dairy products cause cancer. In this book, I found out ‘why’ and ‘how’ scientifically.

I’m trying my best to follow her steps- remove dairy products totally. The best – be a vegan but I don’t think I’d go to that extend. Vegan means taking produce from plants only. I’m not ready to sacrifice the fish and chicken. My husband will be going for a fishing trip next week and I can’t resist the freshness of it, the smell of fresh curry fish, steam fish etc. And once in a while, I also go for the ayam kampung near my office.

So far I have no complaint over my health. Although the lump is still there, I still lead a good quality life, with no pains here and there. I pity some of my friends who have contracted arthritis and so on, suffer pains at their joints, backbones etc, and as the results, limiting their movements and so on. I’m still blessed with good health, Alhamdulillah…

The next book that I will read – Secrets of Self-Healing by Dr Mao. An excerpt from the cover,

"we all have a built-in healing ability, so why not try to activate it with natural means before we resort to drugs and invasive procedures?”

Hmmm, this is a very strong reason why I should not go for surgery…

Life must go on

2010-12-28T09:15:00.003+08:00

Previous entries were about friends' passing and infact two more losses along the way since my previous post - my tafsir ustaz passed away because of liver cancer and quite recently arwah Afzal of hogdkin's lymphoma. Al-Fatihah to both.

Those who are gone, are surely gone, we will follow suit, only Allah knows when. For those alive, life must go on...

I'm doing perfectly fine, a bit busy with my PhD work, hoping to finish off soon.

While being busy, I never fail to take a break. We drove down to JB during the third weekend for our friend's wedding. Met some friends, most of them plummer than before :-) Too much of good Malaysian food eh!

Had few chances of fishing too, caught a few too.

Al-Fatihah to my primary school friend

2010-12-06T13:38:00.004+08:00

Another friend passed away last weekend of BC. She was my ex-primary school friend and I haven't seen her since I left primary school. I got the news from my ex-classmate, had I known earlier, I would have gone and visit as I was at my hometown during the weekend. My friend has no idea of when arwah was diagnosed with BC. All the she knew, arwah has no kids of her own and had three adopted children.

Thinking of arwah, I'm thankful of what I have - I have the facilities as well as the knowledge as to how to make myself better - my ceragem, my internet and the things that I could afford to buy or to consume.

I have started taking the apricot seed that my sister bought from MAHA last week. It doesn't taste that bad although it's a bit bitter, I can just snack the seeds around 5 at a go, several times a day. So far so good, no throbbing feeling. On top of it, last week I brought the ragi for tapai, and so happen my mum's ubi kayu or carsava is ready for harvest, and I now have plenty of tapai ubi to enjoy...

Will be going back to my hometown again this weekend, hunting for jelawat. My husband has learned a technique to catch the fish last weekend and eager to try it this weekend. In the meantime, I should go and finish off my work, my supervisor is visiting this Wednesday...

Al-Fatihah to my friend's sis

2010-12-01T09:59:00.002+08:00

My friend sent me a text this morning to inform about her sister who passed away last Friday of BC stage 4. I blogged about her last April, apparently she did not last long even though she had several series of chemo, as the cancer has spread to her lung. Few days prior to her death, she was on oxygen support.

One of her daughters is now suspected of having an active cancer cells as there is a lump in her breast. Wow, this is kind of scary! Maybe I should review my current condition. As for my latest alternative treatment, so far it has not shown any drastic improvement yet. But the scanning method has found other problems on other organs which I presume if it is not treated would be the next target for my cancer cells. Those are the thyroid, upper back, large intestine and my gallbladder which has shrunked. I'm not surprised as way back in my early years, I often had pain at the abdomen - wind, gastrics and of related. Hopefully by six months all of these will be cleared through this alternative treatment. As for my Qur'an recital, it's at Juz 28 now, quite a speed as my best record was when I was performing my Haj.

Talking about Haj, another friend of mine has just returned from performing her Haj and she brought back for me Morhabshi (Myrrh) - never heard of if but as I googled, I found that there is a therapeutic value of it too. Known as kemenyan bunian to the malays, more info copied here from wiki:

“Myrrh is the dried oleo gum resin of a number of Commiphora species of trees. Like frankincense, it is produced by the tree as a reaction to a purposeful wound through the bark and into the sapwood. The trees are bled in this way on a regular basis. The principal species is Commiphora myrrha, which is native to Yemen, Somalia, and the eastern parts of Ethiopia.”

How do I take it? I can either swallow a tiny bit (the size of pepper seed) or mix a raisin size of Morhabshi into hot water and drink when it's cooled. Since it’s available already, I should give it a try, who knows it would be good for me as I strongly believe that everyone has a unique chemical reaction in his or her body; what works on me may not work on you and vice versa.

Somebody left a comment on my blog, pointing to videos of treating cancer with vitamin C. I am tempted to try too. The vitamin C is infused directly into the vein for the body to generate hydrogen peroxide which is believed to kill that cancer cells. As I googled, over here, vit C treatment is often used for better skin complexion and for having glowy appearance. Maybe I should try this too. I can get two effects at one time – kill the cancer cells and have a glowy complexion as well :-)

I have yet to try the apricot kernel, the source of B17 which can also cure cancer. Yesterday I accidentally watch the repeat of Halal Bio on Astro Oasis about the B17. Well, could this be a sign for me to take the B17? I’ve been wanting to go to MAHA to get a good deal of the apricot kernel, so far has not materialized. Actually we tried to visit MAHA last Sunday but the crowd was unbelievable and we ended up in Putrajaya. I have one more chance to go tomorrow but then again, my supervisor is coming for a visit next week and I have lots to prepare for the meeting…

Alhamdulillah, another birthday…

2010-11-03T11:55:00.003+08:00

A bit uneasy about the number? 44 or “Si Si” in chinese language means mati or dead. Too early an age to die eh? Not too soon I hope. Don’t know how true or sahih it is, but as long as we can recite the At-Taubah ayat 128-129, it’s not time for malaikat maut to get us yet. Got this from one of the comments on friend’s FB.

I’m on an alternative spiritual (prayer) treatment at this moment – on top of the zikir, it will be more effective if I could recite the whole Qur’an within 10 days. The race is on, and for this whole week, I’m working from home so that I can complete my mission. Long way to go, as I have just reached Juz 8…

Kids are not schooling today as they are off for Deepavali. The little ones are busy drawing cards for me, the boy is out looking for a gift for me and the big sister is busy in the kitchen baking cake. What a nice feeling, having someone to bake a cake for me during my birthday.

So far no news yet about the seabuckthorn that I enquired. Maybe the softgel is not suitable for muslim’s consumption anyway. Well, there are certainly other alternatives. I read in a self-healing book recently, that the bombay onion (the yellow onion) can cure cancer too. Since my PET/CT scan has detected some kind of activity at the thyroid gland, I read the book again to see the cure for it and so happen the cure is the same as for cancer which is to drink a (Turkish tea) glass (or equivalent to an eggcup full) of the yellow onion juice in the morning and evening for forty days. I have bought the Bombay onion but have no guts to try it out yet. I don’t know whether I could stand the after taste of it :-)

I’m also interested to try the boiled mixture drink of dukung anak, susu kambing, satung and cendawan susu rimau that Dr H wrote in her blog recently. I can’t find those plants to boil yet except for the cendawan susu rimau. I was googling on the satung and came across herbs by khasiat bumi prepared by the orang asli of which among the ingredient are cendawan susu rimau and satung. Since it’s now a rainy season, the product is out of stock. Looking forward to it and hope that it will be available soon. They also produce the herbs for slimming which I would love to try too. Being overweight is the culprit, inviting variety of sickness, so, stay slim my friends…

Results of my medical check up

2010-10-22T11:47:00.003+08:00

A year has passed since my last check up and it's time to visit the hospital again to see my progress. I had an appointment with the oncologist last Monday, had my mammogram and ultra sound in the afternoon. One thing good about private hospital, we get to know the result there and then. Based on the report, sadly to say, the cancer is still there, slightly bigger than the last year's.

I was scheduled for a PET/CT scan on Tuesday, reached the Nuclear Medicine & PET/CT Centre slightly before 8.00 am. The reason why I was scheduled this early is the the FDG (Fluorodeoxyglucose) or radioactive glucose that they injected in prior to a PET/CT scan has a timeline and decays every minute. When I reached there, I'm quite dissappointed to know that the FDG has not arrived yet as the delivery man was stuck in the jammed!

While waiting, I had a chat with a lady who was schedule for a PET scan, the fourth time since she was diagnosed with lung cancer. I was quite curious because she doesn’t look like a smoker at all, the husband and the rest of the family don’t smoke neither and yet she got it. She said, there was no sign at all, she seldom had cough or anything with regards to the lung. It was diagnosed when she had high fever, could not walk and the doctor did every test possible until they found the cancer at her lung. She had series of chemos already and the PET scan was to see the progress of it. Pray that she will be free from it, she was such a nice lady.

Back to my story, the FDG arrived at around 9.15 am. Prior to the scan, I had my blood tested for glucose and happy to know that my fasting blood glucose was 4.2 mmol/l. Soon after, the FDG was injected, and I had to rest on bed for almost an hour to let it settled. Lasix was also given to force me to pass urine. I made 3 trips to the restroom, wondering where the urine come from as I had only a glass of plain water in the morning :-)

The low dose 64-slice PET/CT scan went smoothly in a few minutes, though I felt longer as I had to stay still with my arms stretched upward, my muscles still sore because of the weekend activity - too much of swimming at the pool in PD :-) Glad that it’s finally over and I had sandwiches and a glass of milo as a treat.

On the next day, I had the PET/CT scan result. I’m really pleased to know that the cancer has not spread to other parts of the body. What a relief! It means whatever I have done to control it from spreading, works. I just need to do a little bit more of work to totally get rid of it. Certainly not another round of chemo and certainly not a surgery. I’ve seen the sufferings of friends having surgery and I cannot bear the thought of having one myself.

The PET/CT scan also detected some activity in the thyroid gland. I’m not surprised as my sisters, one is having hyperthyroid and another one is having a hypothyroid. Frankly, I don’t have the symptoms of hyper or hypo. Of course I need to go for more test to determine mine but I’m not ready to do it at this instance. I began to research on this and found out about Sea Buckthorn oil, believed to help cure many kinds of diseases. Tempting to try and the only drawback is that it comes in a softgel. I’m now contacting the manufacturer to find out what the softgel is made of and whether it is suitable for muslim’s consumption.

All in all, having a PET/CT scan is a worthwhile experience. I understand that it’s not easy to have this luxury as the procedure is quite expensive and to have it at the government hospital, of course the queue is very long. I also get to keep the report with some scanned images printed, as well as on CD. It is interesting to know what’s happening in my body. Hopefully the radiation was really low and did not harm my body...

The song that keeps me going...

2010-10-05T22:13:00.003+08:00

It is for the rest of my life, specially dedicated to me by my hubby :-) The lyrics as per below. Coincidently, Maher Zain is on air (on IKIM) at the point of writing.

I praise Allah for sending me you my love
You found me home and sail with me
And I`m here with you
Now let me let you know
You`ve opened my heart
I was always thinking that love was wrong
But everything was changed when you came along
OOOOO

And theres a couple words I want to say

Chorus:
For the rest of my life
I`ll be with you
I`ll stay by your side honest and true
Till the end of my time
I`ll be loving you.loving you
For the rest of my life
Thru days and night
I`ll thank Allah for open my eyes
Now and forever I...I`ll be there for you

I know that deep in my heart

[ From: http://www.metrolyrics.com/for-the-rest-of-my-life-lyrics-maher-zain.html ]

I feel so blessed when I think of you
And I ask Allah to bless all we do
You`re my wife and my friend and my strength
And I pray we`re together in Jannah
Now I find myself so strong
Everything changed when you came along
OOOO

And theres a couple word I want to say

*Repeat Chorus

I know that deep in my heart now that you`re here
Infront of me I strongly feel love
And I have no doubt
And I`m singing loud that I`ll love you eternally

Repeat Chorus

I know that deep in my heart..

Everyone in the family loves his songs...TQ Maher Zain!

Fasting month is over, Syawal is here

2010-09-19T11:35:00.004+08:00

Fasting month went in a bliss, the highlight being the last ten days of Ramadhan. We had the chance to perform tarawikh at Masjid Al-Falah where the jemaah had two imported imams from Mesir, reciting the whole Qur'an during prayers. The khatam doa was performed during the last witir (qunut)of the 27th Ramadhan, and guess how long we stand up for it - 20 minutes :-) You could imagine how we kneal down after the doa. On the night of the 29th, we had another imam from Mesir, the guru of the two imported imams. He was on holiday and was kind enough to lead the last tarawikh for the month. We had another round of 20 minutes of doa during witir... I'm very thankful to have experienced another Ramadhan since I was diagnosed, and I hope I'll get to see more Ramadhans in the future, Insya'Allah...

My BP reading was really good during Ramadhan. What does that imply? Maybe I should fast real often even if it's not a fasting month. My immediate action is to pay back what I missed during Ramadhan and continue with the 6 days sunat Syawal. I also plan to fast every Monday and Thursday and every 13th,14th and 15th of the muslim calendar month. Hopefully I can lose some weight that I have regained during Syawal. My BMI is over the normal range and I need to shed a few kgs to get my ideal weight.

Hari raya was celebrated rather moderate. This year the kids had quite a long school break and we spent most of the time in our hometown. As usual, we visited our relatives, eat lots of ketupat, lemang and rendang as well as raya cookies. I don't really control what I ate as I ate whatever I please. To counter that, I have my baking powder & honey every morning and night, and not forgetting, my mahkota dewa tea everyday.

Latest picture taken during first raya, on the way to my auntie's house. Compliments that I had while visiting relatives - I look a lot younger than my hubby eventhough we are of the same age :-) I guess the extra virgin olive oil has shown its effect, on top of the daily massage on my ceragem. When the blood flows well, and every organ is functioning well, it shows on the face. Put a lot of smiles on it, I sure look a lot younger than my age :-)

Fasting and treating cancer

2010-08-19T08:33:00.003+08:00

I'm back at home sweet home, embracing Ramadhan with the family. A little bit better, 13 hours compared to 17 hours in the northern hemisphere :-)

I was wondering on the relation between fasting and cancer - will it be good in treating cancer? We are not allowed to eat or drink anything from dawn to dusk, will it be good in starving the cancer cells? Well, here is what I found out.

Available scientific evidence does not support claims that fasting is effective for preventing or treating cancer.
Practitioners of a type of alternative therapy called metabolic therapy (see Metabolic Therapy) believe the body contains environmental toxins and other harmful substances that can be removed by fasting or detoxifying the body. They claim that fasting allows the body to focus energy on cleansing and healing itself. According to these practitioners, fasting helps the immune system work more efficiently, allows more oxygen and white blood cells to flow through the body, helps the body to burn more fat, helps increase energy, and allows other healing functions to improve. Some supporters claim that fasting by a person who has cancer can "starve" a tumor, leading to cell death.

My personal opinion, it feels really good to fast, so as to relax the stomach for a month. I have done it since I was six and I don’t see any problem in it. In fact, I’m pleasantly surprised that I don’t have any gastric pain even though I had 17 hours of fasting when I was in the UK. Could this be the after effect of the chemo? I notice that I can really eat hot food like cili padi and didn’t encounter any stomach ache or anything. Could it be that the new cells developed have improved my whole body system? Well, I should be really thankful for it :-)

I have one more question that is lingering in my mind – about the dates (kurma) that we often have during iftar. I usually have like 3 to 7 of it during breaking off the fast. It is good in that it will increase the sugar level. But isn’t it food for the cancer cells too? Well, to counter it, I’d have my baking powder and honey during iftar, this will certainly distress my cancer cells :-)

This Ramadhan month is the month of rebuilding our spiritual strength. I haven’t had the chance to join the crowd at the masjid yet. My husband is working and the kids are schooling, so we decided to have or tarawikh prayer at home instead. Day and night I pray that the BC will not recur and I’d be able to live my life to the fullest, amin…

Breast Cancer Awareness Campaign

2010-08-16T17:25:00.002+08:00

Travelling 10,000km to UK was a fruitful one. On top of conference & PhD work, I had a chance to share my experience at Helwa gathering in Sheffield, during their Breast Cancer Awareness Campaign.

Sheffield is around an hour drive from Nottingham, and last Saturday, my friend drove my there with the help of Tom Tom. Their Helwa group is an active one, with participants more that 20. I'm glad that I could share my experience with them. They were very responsive in terms of probing whatever they need to know about BC. A few worried that they might have the symptom, and my message to them was - get it diagnosed. The sooner we know about it the better.

We had a medical doctor as well in the panel. Hopefully the group got our message - be aware of your body, do self-examination often, eat lots of food which contain anti-oxidants, eat lots of fresh fruit and vegetables, manage stress, have enough sleep and the most important thing - be happy :-)

Busy juggling

2010-07-22T12:32:00.002+08:00

It has been three months since my last post. I am perfectly fine; a bit busy though, juggling with my glass balls. Earlier on busy with cousins’ and neice’s weddings, daughter entering foundation and of late, mum admitted to the hospital for heart problem.

It’s obvious for bloggers, when the blog is not updated for quite some time, one might think that the blogger has moved to another world. It was what happened to the blog that I have always followed – one breast bouncing, am so touched with the demise of the blogger early this week, Innalillah and rest in peace D, you will always be remembered.

Rest assured, I’m perfectly fine; if I’m not, I could not be driving/admitting my mum to the hospital on emergency at the wee hours of the morning – 3.00 am in the morning! I’ve been commuting to the hospital everyday for almost a month now and of course my BP goes up from time to time but I’m monitoring it and taking whatever is necessary to reduce it – hempedu bumi, mahkota dewa and soursop. As far I can stand, I won’t take the modern medicine for fear that I might end up on the same bed at the same hospital as my mum. She is actually diagnosed with tachy-brady syndrome, her natural pacemaker has gone haywire, causing her heart to beat slowly at times, and very fast at other times and sometimes stops for a few seconds. She had an artificial pacemaker installed and in a recovering mode, hopefully be discharged soon. I made my own conclusion that she had too much of medications – for her BP, osteoarthritis, and constant abdominal pain which I guess affects certain function of her heart.

About my cancer, I don’t even feel any throbbing at any parts of my body anymore. My recent discovery – baking powder and honey, has helped controlling it. I ever post in my blog last year that an alternative cure for it is baking powder and the usual practice is to inject it to the lump. Recently I came to know that some consume it by mixing it with maple syrup. Since I don’t have maple syrup here, I replace it with my tualang honey. Every morning I’d mix once teaspoon of honey to a mug of plain water, and add a quarter teaspoon of baking powder to it, stir it well and drink it. Cancer cells are anaerobic, they cannot live in a rich oxygen condition. By taking honey and baking powder, initially the cancer cells are happy to receive the sweets (from the honey) but the oxygen from baking powder will certainly destroy the cancer cells.

My mum’s recent experience has triggered that I need to take care of my heart too. I had an email recently about the alternative treatment to keep our heart healthy. One cup of lemon juice, once cup of garlic, one cup of ginger, and one cup of apple vinegar, mix them together and heat them up on a moderate heat for half and hour. When it is cooled, mix it with 3 cups of honey, keep it in a bottle and take one tablespoon before breakfast. If there is any blockage, it will certainly clear off. No need for angiography or bypass. Infact, I met my colleague at the hospital who has just had her angiogram and her heart is clear. Two months back she was admitted for short breath and she tried this alternative treatment on top of her Transfer factor and Q10. Don’t know which one makes her heart better, but if there is a cheaper option, why waste…

Below is my latest pic, with my mum. Do I look healthy? I'm and it's the mindset that I should put in, as I'll be flying off to UK soon for conference. Fasting month is around the corner and I'm really looking forward to it!

Get an early diagnosis

2010-04-20T13:22:00.002+08:00

I had lunch with my long lost friend last Friday. She has been wanting to see me because her sister has BC. Indirectly, I have become a point of reference when friends and families are diagnosed with BC :-) I'm not a master in it but at least I could provide some advice based on my own experience.

Surprisingly, my friend's sister has not been formally diagnosed before. The symptoms are there but somehow, she did not go and get it diagnosed until recently she had severe back pain that my friend took her to a private hospital to get it diagnosed. Initially they plan for a biopsy to get her referred to a government hospital for further treatment. I then suggested that she went for a CT scan just to know how extensive the cancer has spread. So sorry for them that the cancer cells have spread to her lung and back bones, positioning her at stage 4. She is now awaiting appointment for a chemo. I write about this as a reminder to us - when we suspect something, go and get it diagnosed. The sooner we get treatment be it conventional or alternative, ensures better survival rate.

To those who are wondering on how I have been doing, I'm doing fine with the treatment that I'm currently on. Messaging on the ceragem everyday really helps, I have no complaint on my overall health at this moment. The flow of my qi is excellent but I guess my muscles are not that firm. Last Friday I bought for myself a new goggle and I plan to resume my swimming right after office. With my schedule and the pool's timetable (for ladies), I figure I can swim on Tuesday and Friday. It's enough for an exercise as too much exposure to the clorin is not good for me.

Can't wait to dip in the pool and I hope I can still float. With both original b*****, I certainly won't look odd in my swimming suit...

Goat's milk - regenerating the cells of the body

2010-04-09T15:44:00.002+08:00

I recently bought goat's milk for my Morquio children (further info at www.adninaqilah.blogspot.com) following suggestion from a book on natural medicine that I have been reading. The book says for children who don't grow, give them bone-marrow soup to eat and sheep's milk to drink.

While browsing the brochure on goat's milk, I came across one of the benefits of goat's milk and to my surprise, it says, "membantu mengubati kanser..." (helps treating cancer). I was a bit skeptical about it because all this while I thought dairy products can cause cancer and have been avoiding it since. I then sent an email to the company for further clarification. They replied that it doesn't apply to goat's milk as the structure and contents are different from cow's milk. For further info - www.abundalife.com/goats.asp. Since my recent blood test notes that I lack of potassium, I decided to try goat's milk. Besides, it's convenient for me as it comes in sachet, I just need to empty a sachet into a mug and add warm water to it. Walla!

I have added a link on this blog if you would like to give it a try. Frankly, I have no intention on making good money out if it. I've promised myself not to get involved in any direct selling until I finish my study :-) I joined because I'm mostly infront of my computer, and it's convenient for me to order online for my kids' and my consumption.

Linking this to my previous post, I would not try the method of transfering the illness to the goat but instead I consume the produce of a goat...

Conventional or alternative?

2010-03-26T16:05:00.004+08:00

When one is diagnosed with cancer, the most important thing is to get a cure for it, the best treatment possible so that life can be prolonged. Some will opt for the conventional treatment; going for surgery, chemo, and radiation. Some will opt for alternative treatment; ubat kampung as we malay say it. Well, which one is better? I'd say it depends on our own personal choice. We human is given the power to choose; and we have the right to decide which is the best for us. After all, we are the one who is taking the risk and consequences during or after the treatment.

There is no right or wrong in choosing the conventional or the alternative. Once again, it's a matter of preference. Personally, I have experienced both and I don't say that conventional treatment is not good; the four doses of chemo that I had must have done its good in shrinking the lump and probably get rid of millions of my cancer cells. I decided on continuing on alternative which has brought me to the state as I'm at the moment.

I'm currently reading a book on self-healing - use the mind to heal the body. I quote herewith caption from the foreward by the publisher, who had vagina cancer and cured in six months using the power of the mind to heal the body :

"I can make suggestions and I can definitely explain what worked for me, but ultimately each individual has to take full responsibility for their selves and know that the course they have chosen is the best one for them".

Part of the healing is the prayer that we put forward to God. There are times when we go and seek alternative treatment that the Kiyai put forward the prayer for us. There was a little dispute over this in our yahoogroup as such, it's better that we ourselves pray for our own recovery. Personally I see there is nothing wrong with getting someone else to pray for us. No doubt it's better for us to ask from God ourselves but I do get my friends to pray for me especially when they go for their Haj or performing for Umrah.

Well, actually we can practically do anything to heal ourselves. The most important thing is the belief that whatever treatment that we go for, will do us good. This morning I got a lead from a collegue that there is a Kiyai in Indonesia who does a treatment by transfering the sickness to a goat! Cool isn't it? Well, let me try first and will feedback on this later...

B17 to fight cancer

2010-03-24T15:32:00.002+08:00

I was watching Halal Bio on Astro Aosis this morning and the story was about vitamin B17 to fight cancer. Don't I have other things to do other that watching TV! Well actually it was my breakfast time and I usually have it infront of the TV.

I've never heard about vitamin B17 before and having followed the TV program and googling myself when I reach office, I found that vitamin B17 can be found in raw uncooked food. Ranges of food high in vitamin B17 (captured from the internet); Fruits Range - wild blackberry, choke cherry, wild crabapple, Swedish (lignon) cranberry. Seeds Range - apple seeds, apricot seed, cherry seed, nectarine seed, peach seed, pear seeds, plum seed, and prune seed. Nuts (all raw) Range - bitter almond, macadamia. Sprouts Range - bamboo (to my surprise!). Leaves Range - alfalfa, eucalyptus. Tubers Range - cassava (don't know what it is), sweet potato and yams (low).

As for the berries, it's hard to find here unless I live in Cameron Highlands. As for the seeds range, I can find them at the supermarket - next time when we buy apple, eat the seeds as well :-)

Notice that the range of fruits are all grown in western countries. I wonder if there are scientists here doing research on our ulam-ulam to find out the amount of B17 vitamins in our ulam-ulam. If there is, I really like to find out. In the meantime, since B17 is found in uncooked raw food, I should load myself with more ulam-ulam. At present I always have some together with my rice. It's even easier at home as we grow some in our garden. Everytime we have our meal we just pluck some - proven insecticides and pesticides free :-)

In most of the sites that I surf, they are telling about apricot seed or kernel to fight cancer. Some sites do sell the seeds and those in capsule form too. As usual, it's really tempting to try. But I have yet to see the effectiveness of the cendawan susu rimau that I've been taking. Who knows this cendawan might have loads of B17 too :-)

On another note, while I'm on a remission, my elder sister recently found a lump on her breast. I have advised her to go and see the doctor to get the diagosis. It could be or could not be cancerous. As usual she is worried to learn the result and ask for my advise on the cure for it. I gave her the contact number of the organopathy doctor. I wonder if she has already called up the doctor...

What a hassle

2010-03-17T13:06:00.004+08:00

I went to a government hospital yesterday to visit my friend who has just delivered a baby. Since I've been wanting to go to that particular hospital to get my blood tested for BRCA, I thought I'd kill two birds with one stone.

While waiting for the visiting hours, I went to the counter to enquire about the procedure if I want to get my blood tested. They told me that I can't simply do the test as it must be ordered by a doctor. Well, I should then book for an appointment to see a doctor. Believe it or not, the nurse wouldn't book me an appointment just because I did not bring any reference letter! She said it's their policy and they have to comply with it. So much so about ISO! In malay the appropriate abbreviation for it is Ini Susahkan Orang. What a hassle, to book an appointment we have to bring in a letter of reference, then, come back the next time for the appointment, then come back in the next few month to get the result. If someone is dying, he or she might be dead the minute the result is out! Well I'm not that patient and as long as I have other options I will not set foot at the hospital again for a treatment unless I'm dying and somebody else admits me there :-)

I'm pretty sure my blood pressure shot up at the hospital yesterday and am pretty sure it subsided the minute I saw my friend with her new baby. She was a tiny baby at around 2.5kg and reminded me of Aina who coincidently accompanied me to the hospital. We had a good chat, talking, gossipping and laughing, you could imagine how havoc it was since I have not met her since I left the UK.

What an experience I had yesterday...There is also a good thing happened though, while I was waiting for the GL from my employer, I came across a phamplet about khairat kematian for staff, and I fill in the form on the spot to allow them to deduct RM2 of my monthly salary for it. It is actually a compensation scheme meant for the beneficiary incase we died. As to date, for every death, they are able to give away RM23,000, quite a lot of money eh! I'm lucky to be in an organization with thousands of employees and to date, the participation for this scheme is approaching 20,000. If you are reading and you happen to be in the same organization, feel free to join as we never know when we will die and little compensation for our loved ones when we are gone will certainly help...

Live life to the fullest

2010-03-05T12:10:00.004+08:00

My latest pic - with toman that my son caught..

It has been a year since I was diagnosed with BC. I’m glad and thankful that I’m still in one piece, living life to the fullest. I’m really lucky to have discovered it at an earlier stage, giving ample time for me to decide what’s the best treatment for me.

Looking back, what I have done to combat this BC has really shown it’s positive result. Although I have not done any test to proof that I’m cancer-free, my state of health proves that I’m a survivor. I don’t really care whether the cancer cells still exist, after all everyone of us has the cancer cells in our body. It’s a matter of how we control it so that it will not do any harm to our body which in the end, affects the quality of our lives.

I have tried modern medicine as well as alternative. Personally, I prefer the alternative as it’s less painful. As I have experienced, the after effect of my chemo was not that bad compared to others. But four doses were ENOUGH for me and I’m glad that when I get back here, I did not go to the hospital to continue my treatment. Before I left, the doctor was worried that the lump will re-grow and insisted that I go for further treatment. I’m glad that I did not follow his advise and follow my intuition instead. I’m thankful that the chemo that I had has shrunk the lump and the only side effect that I encountered was loosing my hair. Well, I have a new set of hair now, bushier that before :-)

Based on my research, I found that cancer strikes when the body lacks the immune system. Back then, with less intake of vitamins and minerals and in addition to stress and less water intake (coz’ it’s cold), my cancer cells grew happily. But now, I make sure that I strengthen my immune system and it seems the black seed oil, the extra virgin olive oil, the cendawan susu rimau and ocassional hempedu bumi are capable of doing so.

Cancer cells cannot survive in a state where there are loads of oxygen. I now drink lots of plain water to make sure that my cells get the oxygen needed. On top of that, I massage my body everyday using the ceragem to ensure that the qi flows smoothly; same effect as qi gong :-). Early in the morning, I spend a few minutes in my garden, breathing in and out deeply, infront of my plants that I purposely let them grow bushy. At this point of time, my scented flowers like kasidang and kenanga are blooming, providing a natural aromatherapy for me.

I still drink my lemon grass tea everyday to kill the cancer cells. At times I eat the soursop when I get the supply. If not, I just drink the soursop juice. During this hot weather, I usually have the frozen one, we call it ais krim batang.

The serenity of one of my fishing spot that is simply breathtaking...

Remembering this first anniversary, I pray that I'll be forever healthy and live long to see all my children grow until they are all independent...

Health screening

2010-02-23T13:44:00.004+08:00

I went for health screening yesterday. Since it's close to a year anniversary of me being diagnosed with BC, I thought I'd check to see my progress. Avoiding hassle, I just went to our health center at the university. It turned out that they have a very basic health screening process - just checking for cholesterol, blood sugar, renel function, liver function and ECG. I was hoping for BRCA test but no, they are not that advanced yet. I still have to make my way to the hospital for the test.

The doctor initially checked for my blood pressure. True enough - my blood pressure shot up again. She said it's too high that I would have been on medication already. I told her that I constantly check my BP at home and infact I record the reading everytime I check it. My BP at rest is always normal. This made me to conclude that my anxiety rises when I go to hospitals or any health centers. It's the last place where I want to be :-)

The blood result was ready after lunch. I'm quite pleased to receive the result; everything seems ok. White blood count and haemoglobin each is at the normal range, blood sugar is normal, cholesterol is a little bit high but is packed with HDL, the good cholesterol :-) This must be the result of my extra virgin olive oil intake! What it means? It means that chances of having cardiovascular disease is reduced because the HDL particles carry cholesterol away from the arteries back to the liver. On the other hand, the bad LDL carries the particles from the liver and deposit it in the arteries where it causes atherosclerosis and plaque build up. So to those who are reading, would you consider taking the extra virgin olive oil? I have it one tablespoon in the morning and one tablespoon at night. My ECG is also normal and I hope it will continue that way - I don't want to die of heart attack :-)

The result of my urine is a bit unpleasant as the doctor said it's a bit dirty and advised me to drink a lot of plain water. I've been fasting since 10 pm the night before, that must be the cause of it being dirty. I'm a heavy plain water drinker and infact during this extremely hot weather, drinking lots of plain water is something that can't be avoided. But of course, I would have to make frequent visits to the ladies :-)

Other than that, the renal profile, to find out what's happening in the kidney, showed an ok result except for potassium which is a bit low. Well, it's time to load myself with lots of bananas! And I'm a monkey in the making :-)

I guess the reason why I opted for a health screening was because my husband had his just recently. His result is all alright except that the doctor found lots of diamonds in his bile. If it's a real diamond, I would be a happy rich lady! In actual fact, he has bile stones. I wonder if there is an alternative medicine for it. I don't advise him to go for a surgery mainly because I don't want my blood pressure to shoot up - ha ha ha :-) The fact that I'm a bit worried that the after effect of it, his system will go haywire and he has to really watch out his food intake. I welcome any suggestions on herbs or remedy incase you have any.

On another note, today is our 19th wedding anniversary. Time really flies and it has been 19 years already. Hoping to see the number doubled...

Go fishing

2010-02-05T13:48:00.002+08:00

I find it hard to write in this blog lately with my busy schedule and deadlines to meet! The meeting with my supervisor went on smoothly and he was glad to see me looking well. Thank God, I'm feeling good - no complain about health; I have a good appetite, I sleep like a log, I'm enjoying myself, do whatever I please, and go wherever I want. Certainly, I'm not that bad compared to others.

My title might sound a bit fishy but yes, that's what I'm doing every weekend. Usually on Sunday morning just after our morning prayer, we go fishing at Lake Kemendol, around 20 minutes drive from our home. It's not easy to get there as we have to walk a few terrains to get to the lake. My husband thought that it would be a good exercise for me too. True enough I sweat a lot! It's quite tough to catch the fish because they are wild and frankly, I have never strike any. So far, I only caught the small fish which ended up in our aquarium. Even that has a therapeutic value too by looking at the fish swimming. Try it out!

My friend emailed me an article on organopathy, an alternative medicine to cure BC. I have never heard of it before but through the reading, they claim that lots of people have been cured even at a later stage especially those who haven't gone for surgery yet. I google to find out more about it, unfortunately, I can't find any testimony about it. Well, it's worth trying. But the problem is, the clinic in up north and it's quite far from my place. Maybe I can give the doctor a call and explain my situation and see if my friend could pick up the medicine for me.

Other than that, I plan to see an alternative practitioner who use verses from Al-Qura'an as a healing method. I saw him practising it on TV - Astro Oasis (Penawar Syifa'), read his website too and found that he is our senior when I was in secondary school. Talking about my secondary school, today happpens to be our 31st anniversary joining the school. Looks like I only blog on special occassions lately; the previous date was my daughter's birthday. I'll write again on my wedding anniversary soon...

First entry for 2010

2010-01-14T15:21:00.002+08:00

Thankful to see 2010! I’m quite busy at this moment as my supervisor is coming to visit me on the 25th. Well, let’s just say that I’m taking a little break :-)

My friend called me this morning, reporting of her gastric pain; she can’t eat anything and when she can, she would have to go to toilet soon after. I teased her that she only called when she’s having pain and needing advice. Few entries back, I was writing about her having asthma and what I advised has really worked on her. Well, well, well, I’m a doctor in the making! Just kidding – maybe a point of reference. I remembered of an email about rice water and since it has to do with the digesting system, I recommended her to try. We eat rice everyday, and it’s easy to just add extra water when we boil it, and scoop some out when it’s boiling. Drink it when it has cooled down a bit. I remember reading about the wonder of this rice water - add a bit of cendawan susu harimau, it will cure asthma as well.

Talking about cendawan susu harimau, I got mine already. A friend of my friend is kind enough to sell it to me. Actually she didn’t want to sell it to me as the thing is so precious and it has cured lots of other illness. Never mind, she knows how the cendawan looks like and will be able to buy it whenever she sees it (usually the native people selling it).

What do I do with the cendawan? Well, every morning I scratch it on a hard surface, a pasu piring, with a bit of water in it, and scratch until the mucus came out. I then apply some on the breasts and the balance, I lick some with my finger. It is tasteless and I don’t mind consuming it. Whether I still have this BC or not, I will still take this cendawan. In order to know the effectiveness, probably I should do some tests one of these days.

This morning on TV3, they were talking about when is the good time to go for medical check up. I know some people don’t bother to go for medical check up for fear that they might be diagnosed with this and that illness. In actual fact, it’s good to detect it early as chances of recovery is very high when it’s at the early stage.

I also get some good tips from the doctor this morning. In order to maintain healthy, do these - exercise, take a balanced diet, have enough sleep and control stress. It seems very easy to say, but very hard to practise :-) The important thing is to continue moving, giving and getting involved…

Keeping myself busy

2009-12-18T10:34:00.006+08:00

It has been almost a month since my last entry. I guess I'm keeping myself busy in line with the intention not to think so much of this BC (if you could recall from my previous entry).

Looking back at the calendar, we had our Eid on the 27th Nov, 2009. As usual, I went back to my hometown the day before; quite an early bird to reach home, on time to become a chauffeur for my mom, driving her to the market to get raw produce for our big feast. Coming back from the market, I was on special task - to anyam the ketupat. For the benefit of my non-malay readers, ketupat is actually rice cake that is boiled in the coconut leaves. Of course we have to weave the coconut leave into a container to hold the rice in. This is how it looks like.

We didn't spend lots of time at our hometown; the night of the Eid, we were back home giving way for Aina to study for her exam.

To fill up the weekend, we tried our luck fishing at Laguna Park again. I managed to catch some small fish which ended up on our table the next day :-)

Other than that, since this is a school holiday which is a perfect time for weddings, we attended a wedding that was held in the city center. The uniqueness about it is that it's overlooking the twin tower :-) Having attended that, I guess this would be the last wedding in the city center that we ever attended as we got lost almost an hour looking for the place.

I also helped my sister making curry puffs when she gets big orders. The last order was for 400 pieces! I stayed till 12.30 am and called it the day as we had to leave early for our picnic the next day.

Actually the intention was to find a good spot for fishing. We went down until Tg Tuan to look for a place and found one good spot where we stopped and started fishing. We didn't get any but the we found this spot where fishermen came back with their produce. Next time, if we couldn't catch any, we can just buy fresh fish from the fishermen :-)

This last picture was at a shopping mall nearby, while looking for fabrics and uniforms for the kids for school next year.

Pictures tell thousand words...These pictures are raw from my handphone and has not been edited yet. I hope it's enough to update what I'm up to now...

A bit relax

2009-11-23T11:40:00.003+08:00

Kids are on year end school holiday and I'm a bit relax for not having to drive them to and from school. They are now at their grandmother's in my hometown while my eldest is still struggling for her SPM. It's just the two of us at home, enjoying the privacy of our own home. A good therapy don't you think? :-)

I thought I'd have to present my progress at a colloquium tomorrow but that too will not happen as they are not able to slot me in. They are arranging a special one in January when my supervisor from UK will come down and visit me here. Still long way to go huh. In the meantime, I'd just continue with my current work, hoping to strike an idea on my next project.

We will be celebrating another Eid (for Haj) this Friday. This Eid will forever touch my heart as it reminds me of my own experience performing the Haj 11 years back. I have recently added a link to this blog by a guy who is working there and he is giving current updates on what's happening there. Few friends of mine are performing their Haj this year, at least I know what they are up to.

Other than that, I'm hoping to get the cendawan susu harimau (mushroom) from a friend. Recently my sister called to inform that the mushroom (or its scientific name Lignosus rhinocerus) can help cure BC. It's quite expensive though. I thought it should be as the mushroom is a scarce resource as it is believed that it grows on the spot where the tiger milk spilt. One has to go to the jungle to get it, of course risking his life too. But I heard in a recent biotech conference that they are trying to culture and mass produce the mushroom with the help of biotech. I hope it will materialize and by then, the mushroom would not be so expensive thus, there will be hope for cancer sufferer like me.

My green project is well on the way; yesterday I bought one more soursop small plant to be planted at my mum's. The seller assured that it will bear fruit in a year. So soon? I hope it's true! Since its now a rainy season, the brinjal seeds that I planted have grown and ready to be transfered to a bigger space. The asparagus seeds have not shown any sign of growing. I guess I have to get my supply of asparagus from the market huh :-)

All in all, I'm feeling great - having good appetite, good sleep and nothing to complain about. And for that, Alhamdulillah...

Chemical Hazard - Paracetamol

2009-11-14T12:51:00.004+08:00

I'm having a bit of a period pain but I don't dare taking panadol, following an email that I received recently about the chemical hazard of paracetamol. Even doctors don't dare to take panadol when they encounter pain and resort to alternative medicine instead. Why? Because panadol is toxic and can damage our liver. Once taken, it stays in the body for at least 5 years! Huwwwwaaa, what have happened to all the medications that I have taken so far...

If you have migraine or headache, it is because of the imbalance of positive and negative ions in the brain cells. The remedy is to dilute 1:1 or 1:2 of an isotonic drink with water. For example, dilute a cup of isotonic drink with one or two cups of water and drink it. I have never tried it before and will experiment it when the need arises. I seldom get a headache as I'm wearing a magnetic bracelet and I guess it has sorted out the imbalance. Another tip is to soak the feet in warm water to let the blood flows to the feet.

Last week my friend called asking for suggestions for her unsettled flu/cough/asthma. Her chinese friends have asked her to go and get sengseh (chinese medicine) for that. I remembered an email of a chinese medication of swine flu. Since it is within the range of respiratory area, I suggested to her the star anise, the base formulation for tamiflu. Boil 9 star anise with 6 glasses of water in an earthern pot for 30-40 minutes, until 4 cups left. She called me again last Thursday, telling me of her experience. Being a bit more creative, she added ginger to the formula, and she is much better now. Jokingly, I asked her to add some curry, put some chicken into it, and there you go - ready to eat with rice :-)

Curry sounds tempting. My husband is on his way to a fishing trip again. Pray that he will get lots of fish this time so that we can have fresh fish head curry again as per picture below.

Yummy eh...

Diabetic is more serious than cancer?

2009-11-10T18:09:00.002+08:00

I was watching MHI while having breakfast this morning. There was a session about diabetes to commemorate the world diabetic day this weekend. There were two invited speakers for the session and to my surprise, one of them mentioned that diabetic is more serious than cancer. Walla! At least there are more serious diseases than what I'm having now. So, why worry? I've never checked my insulin level, I hope it's still at a normal level. I know of a few friends who are diabetic. Well, I guess we have to take care of what we eat huh. I never knew that diabetic can affect the heart too, I thought it will only affect the eyes and the kidney, on top of cutting off fingers or foot when it turned black and can't be cured anymore.

Speaking of cutting, last Friday, I went to visit my friend who has recently been diagnosed with BC. The lump was quite big and since it is quite aggressive, she has no choice. It has been a month since the operation and her hand still felt tight. She is not able to drive a car just as yet because of that. The scar is also not a pleasant view and I felt my stomach squeezed by looking at it. As long as I can stand it, I'd rather go for alternatives and not put my self on the OT bed. That is really scary...

Happy birthday to me...

2009-11-03T00:03:00.003+08:00

How young? Well, a man that I met while eating at a warung(eating place :-) last weekend thought that I was 35. What a compliment - I look 8 years younger! I told him my eldest is already 17 and he really didn't believe it.

I'm glad that I've reached this age so far and hoping that there will be many more years to come. Double the age? Who knows... My grandmother died at 80 plus, my mother is still alive at 72.

I've been reading birthday wishes from my friends in yahoogroup & FB and felt so touched reading each and every well wishes. TQ all for the birthday wishes.

What about present? None just as yet but every year, I do buy present for myself. This year I bought for myself a biokitchen compost, a product by biosense. It is actually a container that we can use to decompose our leftovers and with the help of catalyst, will turn the leftovers into fertilizer. The fertilizer will then be used to fertilize my plants. I plan to grow my own vegetables too and let's see whether it will materialize :-)

What does this have to do with my BC? Well, I read a link posted by a reader recently (http://www.squidoo.com/cancernocure) that it helps by not focusing on the cancer related issues. I'm diverting my focus to concentrate on overall health now - eat well, and enjoy life.

The focus and the thoughts should point to health, well-being and vitality, positive affirmation, nature, exercise and fun. Laughing increases the immune system activity immediately.

As for the follow up, the doctor referred me to a breast surgeon. I don't think I'll have the surgery - I ran away from one and I'm not going to volunteer for one now :-) Whether I have a surgery or not, the chances of recurrence are still there. I've experienced it before and I would not be that ignorant to notice any changes in my own body. After all, we are our own doctor.

Coming back to the link mentioned above, I like the ending part :

When we change our thinking, behavior, believe system and the way we treat ourselves and this planet, than there is a cure.

If you believe your disease is incurable, then it is incurable.
If you believe your disease is curable, then it is curable.

I definitely believe that this disease is curable, Insya'Allah...

Menstruating again

2009-10-20T08:54:00.003+08:00

Just as I have expected, I'm menstruating again. I had the sign few weeks back and here it is, 5 mths after my last one. I thought I was going through a menopause already :-) Well, am I happy or sad about it? I'd be happy if the cancer cells are all gone and I would not have to go through the aging process too soon. I'd be sad if the cancer cells are still there. I'm ER positive and with the presence of estrogen, it really is badddd. I now have to double dose my lemon grass tea intake!

We'll just have to wait and see whether it's good or bad. My husband is getting the GL for me to go to the hospital soon. In the meantime, I'm tolerating with the backpain, it feels really weird...

HER2 negative ER positive

2009-10-19T16:24:00.002+08:00

I went to the GP this morning to get a reference letter to go to the hospital. While waiting for my turn to see the doctor, I read again the report from my previous doctor. To my surprise, I found that my HER2 is actually negative and not positive as I thought so. What a relief! The estrogen receptor is positive which is also a good news. I'll have the endocrine treatment as ER positive will respond well to the anti-estrogen therapies. A quote from a website, "If you have an ER-positive cancer, you may respond well to tamoxifen, a drug that works by blocking the estrogen receptors on the breast tissue cells and slowing their estrogen-fuelled growth".

Well, it doesn't really matter actually whether I'm ER positive or negative as deep down I really hope that I wouldn't have to take any more drugs after this. In actual fact, I decided to go to the hospital just to check whether the cancer still exists. I came to know that a friend of mine, aged 38 with four kids, eldest 13 and youngest 2 has recently been diagnosed with BC and she just had her mastectomy recently.

Well, BC is quite common nowadays. Recent statistics, every 1 out of 14 women in this country are having it. The doctor that I met just now said his wife had it way back in 1996, had her mastectomy and chemo etc and is keeping herself busy, enjoying life. It's a matter of when you discover it and how you seek treatment for it...

Uric acid and urine

2009-10-14T14:45:00.002+08:00

I was googling yesterday to find out why I am having this pain on the forefoot especially when I get up in the morning. My personal doctor, my hubby, suspected that it could be because of cold. The body heat is released through the feet when I sleep at night and he suggested that I wear stokings at night. I practise it although it really feels uncomfortable because it is hot here.

Although I wear stokings at night, the pain still exists. Could this be a sign of mild gout? I came across this blog about treating gout and discovered another indicator that is really useful. Gout is caused by a lot of uric acid in the body and it is washed away through the urine. And the indicator is when the urine looks bubbly, it shows that the body has lots of uric acid. Since then, I have been watching my urine to see whether it's bubbly or not :-). My first observation showed that it is not. Coming back to the treatment of gout, the author suggests to drink 2 liters of water everyday. I guess I should drink more water from now on. I used to drink 8 glasses of water in the morning 10 years back, got the idea from circulated emails about water treatment, believed to cure all diseases. I remember I had to stop by at the LRT station everyday to pee before boarding the LRT to go to work in KL.

Drinking lots of water seems like an easy thing to do. I should unpack my ionizer to ionize my drinking water as well. Double the effect, I hope the pain will go away. I probably will try misai kucing tea too, in addition to what I'm taking now. These anti oxidants will certainly be good to cure the cancer...

Ramadhan, Syawal and now

2009-10-08T09:29:00.004+08:00

It’s almost a month since my last entry. Well, I just could not find the right time to write and post it in this blog. I’ll recall what I was up to since the last entry.

Towards the end of Ramadhan, I was busy doubling the effort in search of Lailatul Qadar. Alhamdulillah, during the month of Ramadhan I managed to perform the Tarawikh prayer everyday at the mosque except day 1 & 2 (we went back to our hometown), day 16 ( unloading stuff from the container) and day 19 (husband was not feeling well). So far, this was the best Ramadhan ever coz’ I was able to fast for the whole month. The best tarawikh nights were during day 27 when the Imam recited the last juzuk of the Qura’an, day 28 being the Friday night, and day 29,the last day, when we had reciting of Qura’an as a group. We broke our fast at the mosque as well, during that day.

Right after the last tarawikh, we went back to our hometown, reached there around 3 am. The traveling was smooth although there were lots of cars. During the last day of Ramadhan, we usually cook a big feast. I have missed it for two years and really enjoyed this one. Since my big sisters were not back yet, I had to do the tough jobs – cut 8 whole chickens into pieces and cut off 7 kgs of meat! You could imagine how tiring it was. But it was really worth it. During the breaking of fast, my doa was for me to meet the next Ramadhan, Insya’Allah.

Raya was celebrated with the Aidilfitri prayer in the morning, and asking for forgiveness from everybody. This is quite a touching moment especially for me having gone through this BC. Aunties and uncles came to visit; they were really thrilled to see me since they knew that I was not well. Days after, were spent visiting families and friends. My mother has 15 brothers and sisters and few days were not enough to visit them all.

We went back to our home after spending a week at our hometown. Too bad, I had a terrible skin infection - rashes and skin inflammation all over the body. My best bet was I was allergic to the bamboo trees that I passed through while surveying a piece of land for sale. I went to the pharmacy to get the anti-histamine and Alhamdullillah, the rashes is settled in a few days. My skin is now back to normal. While having it, somehow it struck into my mind that it could be a skin cancer. Being worried, I now have resumed drinking my lemon grass tea. Hopefully it will kill off the traces of cancer cells in my body. Although the lump is gone, I still take the extra virgin olive oil, the black seed oil and the hempedu bumi capsule. So far, I’m feeling good. I have yet to go for the follow up, maybe one of these days. Frankly, I like to believe that the cancer is now gone and I don’t bother to go and check. After all, everyone of us has cancer cells in our body. So why worry…

Meeting friends

2009-09-11T17:30:00.002+08:00

One of the interesting things that happened this week was a visit to my friend’s house in Kajang. I went with my other friend and over there I met another friend that made four of us ex-secondary school mates. Two of them I have not met since I left school. Imagine how much we had to catch up! Few hours were not enough and of course, we will be seeing each other again soon.

What did my friends say about me? Thank God, they said I don’t look sick at all. Meeting friends, giggling and laughing made me even much better. It’s really a natural therapy and all of us really enjoyed it.

So what did old girls talk about at this age? Well, mainly about health and how to stay gorgeous :-). There are few good tips too and worth sharing in this blog. The best one is the 6484 breathing technique; Inhale in the count of 6, hold in the count of 4, release in the count of 8, and hold in the count of 4. Do it as much as you can or at least 100 times a day. As I wrote previously about the lack of half moon on our nails being the sign of lack of oxygen, we managed to compare each other nails. Among us, I lack the half moon which shows I need to put into practice this 6484 breathing technique.

The other important thing is about belacan (shrimp paste) being one of the culprit. Too bad, I can’t resist not having belacan in my cooking. I have missed it when I was in the UK but over here, I have ample supply. Sambal tumis and asam pedas will not be very tasty without belacan. Well, I’d rather enjoy good food and for that, I’m willing to take the chances and continue using belacan in my cooking. I believe if we take it in moderation, it will not do any harm. On top of it, I will take something else to nutralise the toxin if there be.

One of the reasons for meeting my friend was to pick up the hempedu bumi or the scientific name - andrographis paniculata. I came across a site on this and you can refer to this for further information http://nileherb.blogspot.com/2008/09/andrographis-paniculata-hempedu-bumi_27.html . Another malay name for this is akar cerita. They say the taste of this herpedu bumi is bitter. In malay we say, pahitnya tak boleh cerita! Hence, akar cerita :-). My friend said the hempedu bumi is also sold in capsule. Ahhh, what a better solution - I got mine already while shopping for my groceries just now. I’ll start taking it tonight.

TQ Ina for driving me there and for the shifa’ dates. Thanks Zerque for the tips and last but not least, thank you Yan for hosting us and for the yummy raya pineapple tarts!

People's impression when they see me...

2009-09-03T13:32:00.003+08:00

It has been three weeks since I get back. Frankly, I have not seen lots of people just as yet. With the pandemic going on, it's not advisable to socialize. Friends welcome me home through Facebook. A better way to do it, don't you think?

I get to meet some of my families during the first week of Ramadhan. What are their impressions on me? My sis-in-law said I gain some weight. Could this be one of the causes of me getting cancer? Well, it could be. I was around 62kg then. With the fasting and everyday massaging on the ceragem, I proudly announce that I shed some kgs and I hope I can loose somemore so that I look nice with my baju kurung for Eid :-)

When I met my side of the family, I straight away took off my scarf and showed them my almost bald head. I told them that this is my summer fashion and everyone laughed. But deep in their heart I know they feel sad for me. My mom said I really look like my late father. As I posted before, he used to do chemo too for his non-hodgkin lymphoma disease. I don't mind having a bald head. My husband said I have the same fashion as one of the top model that I can't recall her name at this moment :-)

To those who are undergoing chemo or about to do chemo, don't be sad of loosing your hair. It's a fun experience as we can't have it without the chemo. My kids like to touch my head and they envy the soft hair that I have at the moment. Come to think of it, I kind of like my hair this way as it is very convenient for me to shower and not having to comb my hair after that. It's even more convenient while praying as I can be really sure that no hair comes out of my praying costume.

I bet when I see more of my friends they don't even notice the difference. My eyebrow and eyelashes has also grown to its fullest and I don't look sick at all. My nails have turned pinkish again. Nails grow really fast here; my husband's theory is that cells grow very fast over here, we age faster too. I hope the healthy cell grow fast and not the cancer cell...

I’m feeling gooood…

2009-08-28T14:40:00.002+08:00

Well, this is my first entry for the month of August. I’ve been keeping myself busy; early of the month preparing for the presentation at the conference in Dublin, and packing for home, right after.

We touched down on 16th of August, 2009, greeted by close relatives. They left soon after they sent us home. Unbelievably, the H1N1 (swine flu) is even worse here, people are wearing face masks. Unfortunately, my workplace is one of the high risk area with one death case reported so far.

I haven’t been to the hospital for a follow up on my cancer. The hospitals are now packed with H1N1 cases and hospital would be the last place I would visit. I’m feeling good and I don’t want to risk myself with other kind of sickness :-)

Food to help cure cancer are easy to find here. I bought my first soursop last week at Carrefour nearby. It really feels good to eat it fresh compared to the powdered one that I used to mix with my morning coffee. Asparagus is also available but I have not bought any yet as my blender is still on the way. Lemon grass can be found in abundance. During our last visit to my sister-in-law’s house, she gave me lots of lemon grass and I have planted some in my garden. During this fasting month, I can’t find the good time to drink my lemon grass tea and infact I seldom drink hot beverage because it’s hot here – I either drink plain water or iced beverages.

Other than food, I’m massaging on my ceragem everyday. Ceragem is a massage bed where it has hot jade balls to massage our body around 40 minutes per session. I use the external balls to massage my breast. I hope it will kill the cancer cells - same effect as the radiation would be. The lump has gone; if there is, it really is tiny and I’m not worried about it at all.

As for exercise, frankly speaking, I don’t do a proper exercise during this Ramadhan month. My only exercise is the tarawih prayer that I perform at Masjid Al-Falah everyday. For the benefit of my non-muslim friend, tarawih prayer is an additional prayer that we do during the month of Ramadhan. At Masjid Al-Falah, the Imam reads a chapter (juzuk) of the Al-Qur’an everyday. The total of 23 rakaat takes around two hours to complete. I sweat a lot; hopefully the toxins is get rid off together with the sweats…

I should say I’ve settled down comfortably at my home sweet home and embracing Ramadhan as if this would be my last…

Hair starts to grow

2009-07-31T00:05:00.002+08:00

Six weeks after my last chemo, the hair starts to grow. The new hair looks very fine and I can still see my scalp clearly. At the rate of one centimeter per month, by the time we celebrate our Eid (raya le) I will have my punk head! It will be thrilled to see from bald to short hair as since my teen, I always wear my hair long.

The last few weeks before I leave for home, have been busy weeks for me. The packing is over as we finally loaded our boxes into the container last Monday. The house is clear and my other half likes it very much as he can move freely in the house! When packing is done, we are now busy accommodating friends' invitations. Last Sunday Mashitah invited us for dinner - double invite (jemput) I should say and Khairi had to pick us up from home because we have no car to drive there. Today, Rin is inviting us for dinner, tomorrow Wan and the day after, Asz. Wow! I can easily gain few kgs by the time I go back to my home country...

I now have to prepare my slides for the presentation at the conference. Do I have butterflies in my stomach? Of course I do. In fact, off late my blood pressure increases to a surprising level. I had a tip from Sya during lunch just now, to take air asam gelugur to quickly reduce the blood pressure. I'll try it when I get back and hope it works. Since the last two days, I have been having pain around the chest area; felt like heartburn that I used to have few years back. I haven't had it for quite a few years - thanks to the aloe vera gel and if this heartburn continues I might have to continue taking the aloe vera gel when I get back.

I google search for ways to reduce the blood pressure naturally and I came across a suggestion to breath slowly - say 10 breath per minute. I have been practising it if I cannot get to sleep and it works. Breathing slowly puts us in a alpha mode and the body will relax, hence reducing the blood pressure. That explains why the nurses always take the BP right after we get up. Probably I should try taking my pressure early in the morning tomorrow...

Final visit to the hospital

2009-07-16T01:12:00.002+08:00

It's exactly a week today that I told the Oncology Research Unit that I wanted to terminate the clinical trial as I'll be leaving soon. The nurse set an appointment for me to see the Oncologist last Monday. The doctor is a little bit worried about me not having any treatment around one month prior to leaving home. He suggested that I continue until two weeks before I leave. Hard headed as I am, I just said that it won't be necessary as I wouldn't be able to complete the whole course anyway. In actual fact, I need the energy to do all the packings and to prepare myself for the conference next month. Moreover, with the swine flu around, I don't want to risk myself being in a low immune condition. 17 deaths have been reported in the UK and I definitely don't want to add to the number :-)

I'm feeling really fine now. Sometimes, I came to think that this whole thing is a false alarm. I did ask the doctor about the recent tumor marker test. He told me it was normal. Normal? What does he mean? Does that mean that the cancer has gone and I'm all clear? How I wish it's true. Let's see the report that I requested from him recently.

In the meantime, I am not worried about my blood pressure anymore. Yesterday I came across a site which states that the rule of thumb for a normal pressure is the age + 100. The older you are, the higher the pressure is. At my age, 130/100 is around normal. As long as I don't have any headache, and I don't feel dizzy, I consider myself normal. Enjen lama (old engine) what do you expect? There surely are a lot of build ups in my capilaries and having a slightly high pressure is normal. I'm not teens or twenties anymore (in myheart maybe :-)).

Of late, I've been very busy especially with the kids' school coming to an end. Sports day to go, this and that performances and so on. Tomorrow the key stage two kids are going to Twin Lakes for their excursions. I have to prepare some curry puffs for the kids as Adli's Pakistani friend, Faisal really adores my curry puff. His mum sent in some minced meat and potatoes for the curry puff. Of course, this doesn't have to do with cancer, and I'm slightly out of topic now, but just to note here for my remembrance...

Ixabepilone, paclitaxel or none?

2009-07-09T01:09:00.002+08:00

The appointment last Monday went well. The doctor was quite surprised that the lump is almost gone but somehow, he got the measurement which is 1.5 cm. I was supposed to report how I felt after the infusion but I just told him the feeling was just the same as the rest. What worried me was the fact that I missed my regular menstrual. Am I pregnant? I can't get pregnant during chemo and thank God the blood test result confirmed that I'm not. What a relief!

The extra virgin olive oil must have done its wonders. It must have done something to my estrogen and that's why I don't get my period. Is it good? Of course! Estrogen is also food for cancer and without it the cancer cells are starving. But am I experiencing menopause? Surprisingly, I have not felt any hot flushes as experienced by women undergoing the process. No mood swing and no sign of osteoporosis either.

I had my echo test yesterday. The result is needed for them to randomize whether I'd be on ixabepilone every three weeks or paclitaxel every week. The nurse emailed me that I'd be on paclitaxel. I opt for none. I told her that I'll be leaving soon and requested for a report for me to continue my treatment in my home country. Now that swine flu is around, I can't risk myself being in a low immune condition. The nine swine flu death cases here are those with other medical conditions. I also need to look and feel healthy when I go back as I heard, upon arrival at the airport, whoever looks sick will be sent to the hospital - for quarantine maybe?

As for my blood pressure, I don't know why it has shot up quite high today. Am I worried? Angry? Something that I eat maybe? I'd better relax myself. Hopefully the trip to Skegness this Saturday will do me good. Our student union is organising its first family outing and this time is to Skegness, around 2 hours drive from here. We will go by bus and I'm sure the kids will be thrilled. The last time we went to the seaside was last year, during our camping trip at Wales. It was quite cold and windy during that time and we didn't get to touch the water. With this kind of weather, we might be able to walk on the shore...

I'll be back soon!

2009-06-23T01:50:00.005+08:00

Long silence eh? One entry only for the month of June? It is because I'm keeping myself busy as in less than two months, I'll be in my home country! Just in time for fasting month and Syawal or Eid as they term it here.

The environment is not friendly to me anymore especially during the summer as I constantly get hayfever - my eyes turn red almost everyday. I can't be taking antihistamine, the hayfever relief medicine everytime. Who knows what side effects I might have. So the best thing is to go back where I belong. Besides, my husband has to resume work in November; I can't be staying by myself here and manage everything like I did before.

Wherever I am, my work is not affected as I will still continue with my study till the end. This last two month would be a marathon for me as I need to have draft of few chapters before I leave so that I can have a peace in mind embracing Ramadhan and Syawal when I get back. I'm also preparing stuff for the conference in Dublin in August. And right after the conference, I'll fly back.

Friends who know that I'm leaving have been asking about my treatment. Well, I have completed all four cycles of the Doxorubicin and Cyclophosphamide and I'm due for either paclitaxel or ixabepilone when I get back from my course next week. I don't intend to infuse anymore drug as even if I have it, I won't be able to complete it. So, might as well not having it at all as I need the energy for my marathon as well as packing my stuff to bring back home. I haven't told my doctor yet and will do it during the next visit on 6/7/09. I'll be meeting my breast care nurse too as recently she called to find out how I was doing and she was also planning to set an appointment with the surgeon. I guess I don't need one since I'll be leaving soon. The lump is gone and I don't see a need to go for surgery. I read in the article on John Hopkin's update recently that surgery can also cause cancer cells to spread to other sites. As my mother said, "bondo elok buek apo bongka2 (in loghat Negeri Sembilan) I'd better not having surgery at all. Whether I still have it or I might be cancer-free by now, the most important thing is to watch my diet. And back home I have a ceragem massage bed where I can massage my body everyday. I read in the Internet about a lady whose cancer is cured or controlled by massaging everyday and hopefully it works on me too. No worry, Ramadhan is coming, who know I might encounter the lailatul Qadar and my wish will come true...

4th cycle today

2009-06-09T21:37:00.004+08:00

I had my 4th cycle of chemo this morning. It went well although I was a little bit worried as a new nurse was doing it for me. Yesterday when she drew out blood from me, the blood spilled and stained the pillow as well. Luckily today she was handling it well. I noticed that the doses of Doxorubicin and Cyclophosphamide were reduced and the infusion took lesser time to complete. Thank God this is the last dose of these drugs and I'm responding well to the treatment; the lump has shrunk around 50%. At times I could not feel the lump anymore :-)

My next appointment with the Oncologist will be in a month time. I managed to psycho them to postpone the next one for a week because I need to go for a week course in Warwick. When I come back from the course, I'd have to for more checkups like echo test, ct scan etc for them to select at random of which drug I'll have for the next 12 weeks. If it's Ixabepilone, I'll have it every three weeks which I prefer as I'll have time to go for the conference in Dublin this coming August. If it's paclitaxel, too bad I will have it weekly for 12 weeks, meaning more frequent trips to the hospital. Luckily they are sending a taxi everytime I go to the hospital, as part of the clinical trial deal. Allah is great; when we have no car, He makes it easy for me to go to and come back from the hospital at ease. Every ride to the hospital, I keep thinking how fortunate I'm and for that, Alhamdulillah...

Early of the month, the weather was bright and shiny and my biggest obstacle during this season is hay fever. I cannot stand the pollen, and as the result my eyes were swollen red last week. Now that the weather is a bit cooler, and it rains almost everyday, the pollen is controlled and my eyes are back to normal. I can't take any chances and during my appointment last Monday, I requested for some medication to treat the symptoms of hay fever. I now have Chlorphenamine for that.

All in all, I can't wait til this is over. I can't wait to go back home especially now that it's durian season in my hometown. Will the cancer like durian? I don't know and I don't care, if the king fruit is in front of me, I can easily eat 3 or 4 whole fruit at one go. Imagine how good the smell of the urine will be. I really get tired of my urine smell now - the smell of drugs...

Cancer is common

2009-05-31T19:47:00.005+08:00

Few days back I received a text from my friend telling that her sister has just been diagnosed with BC. It has become common to have BC nowadays. Every friend who knows I have BC, will also inform that their close family or neighbour has BC stage so and so and is having treatment so and so. Cancer is often associated with death. I read an interesting news today about a man with terminal cancer, who is set to win thousands of pounds after betting he would not die before June. He has had mesothelioma cancer (related to asbestos) for 38 months and is considered as death sentence as the longest surviving patient was 25 months after diagnosis. One thing I like about what he said is that he wasn't that fussed when he was diagnosed as everyone has to die some time. But the interesting thing for him was how long it would take, would it take weeks, months or years...

For me, there is nothing wrong about having BC. I would have to adapt myself to it. If without it I'm free to do whatever I want, with it, I might have to limit some activities. For instance, if last time I can go out whenever I want, but now, while having my chemo, I would have to stay indoor much of the time. At the point of writing, it is bright and sunny outside but I can't go out and enjoy the sun as I can easily get burned, so I chose to stay in. Besides, the pollen is not good for me, yesterday I went out to hang the clothes to dry, my eyes have started swollen - sign of hay fever. I put on extra virgin oil around my eyes and luckily it's gone now. What a discovery as I never knew the extra virgin oil can also soothe the itchy feeling caused by hay fever...

Coming back to my sister's friend who has just been diagnosed, my friend was asking for my advice on how to go forward. Hmmm, it's quite a tough job as I don't know how the treatment like over there. As I said before, every BC is unique and it depends on the person's body chemistry. Her Oncologist would be the best person to decide on what treatment is suitable for her. My best move was to refer her to my friend Raden who is very well experienced in this matter...

Down with diarrhea

2009-05-27T18:07:00.003+08:00

One week after the infusion, I'm down with diarrhea again. I had it during my first cycle, free of it during my second cycle, and had it again during my third cycle. Don't know whether it's the effect of the chemo or infections from my kids. Adli had it during the weekend, on Monday Adnin and Aqilah were down with it, and it's now my turn. It was really bad yesterday; the nausea feeling was unbearable that I had to take the anti-sickness pills again. Thank God I'm feeling much better today; still have the loose bowels but at least my appetite has come back. When I'm able to eat, I have the energy to do my regular chores including being infront of my computer.

This week is a mid-term break for the kids. May is full of break - we had our bank holiday again last Monday which we spent quitely at home. Friends took advantage of the long weekend to go for BBQ out of town. Without a car, we had to forgo it this time. During my recent trip to town, I bought the disposible BBQ set from Poundworld. One of these sunny days, we might have our own BBQ at our backyard. Of course, we have to be very careful not to burn the meat as carcinogen is not good as it is the friend of the big C!

I had a chat with my sisters yesterday through YM. They wanted to see my hair. Initially they said it didn't really look bald. Not until I showed them the top and the back of my head that they screamed! Haa'ahhh... Frankly, I'm afraid of looking at myself at the mirror now. Then I cool myself off by telling that it's temporary. I'll gain my true look again when it's all over. I met a new friend who is on the same boat as I'm. She is going for a natural treatment to treat her cancer. I wish I'd have gone through the same route as her. I hope that we can get better acquainted so that we can learn from each other. It's not too late for me as I can still terminate the clinical trial whenever I want...

Herceptin treatment

2009-05-23T18:07:00.005+08:00

I was reading a comment on Raden's blog yesterday, about herceptin treatment for BC. Wondering what it's about, I began to google on it. Believe it or not, the treatment that I'm going through now is actually herceptin treatment.

Earlier on before I started the treatment, the Oncologist was eager to find out the result of my HER2. My earlier posting, I did mention that I'm HER2 positive, meaning the cancer cell can spread aggressively. Here is a caption from a booklet that I found on the net about HER2.

HER2 stands for Human Epidermal growth factor Receptor 2. Each normal breast cell
contains copies of the HER2 gene, which helps normal cells grow. The HER2 gene is
found in the DNA of a cell, and this gene contains the information for making the
HER2 protein.
The HER2 protein, also called the HER2 receptor, is found on the surface of some normal
cells in the body. In normal cells, HER2 proteins help send growth signals from outside
the cell to the inside of the cell. These signals tell the cell to grow and divide.
In HER2+ breast cancer, the cancer cells have an abnormally high number of HER2 genes
per cell.When this happens, too much HER2 protein appears on the surface of these
cancer cells. This is called HER2 protein overexpression. Too much HER2 protein is
thought to cause cancer cells to grow and divide more quickly. This is why
HER2+ breast cancer is aggressive.

Luckily the drugs that I'm getting now, the doxorubicin and cyclophosphamide are actually part of herceptin treatment. Some definitions on the drugs :

DOXORUBICIN – Included in a class of chemotherapy drugs (anthracyclines) used to inhibit or
prevent the development and growth of cancer cells.

CYCLOPHOSPHAMIDE – Included in a class of chemotherapy drugs (alkylating agents) that
promotes cancer cell death.

There are some nice pictures on how the HER2 looks like but I can't find a way to copy it as it's in PDF format.

What's so good about herceptin treatment? It is actually increasing the chance of staying cancer-free longer. The nightmare of cancer survivors would be the chances of recurrence. If we have some information on the nature of the cells, we would know how to control the condition and reduce the chance of recurrence.

I had a text from my sister this morning regarding extra virgin olive oil, being the cure for cancer, as she saw it on TV. I read up on the net this morning and amazed to find out that the recent findings of Javier Menendez from Catalan Institute of Oncology and Antonio Seguara from the University of Granada in Spain, along with their team of researchers, found out the parts of olive oil that were most active against cancer. Their findings reveal that all major complex phenols present in extra-virgin olive oil considerably suppresses over-expression of the cancer gene HER2 in human breast cancer cells.

What a breakthrough! One teapoon of virgin olive oil morning and one at night will do for now. I also came to know that Olive oil is rich in monounsaturated fats and is a great source of vitamin E, having antioxidant properties. It also protects against heart disease, lowers blood pressure, prevents the formation of blood clots and helps to maintain better intestinal and liver functions.

One great caution about the herceptin treatment is that Herceptin treatment can result in heart problems, including those without symptoms (reduced heart function) and those with symptoms (congestive heart failure). Hopefully by taking the extra virgin oil it will protect myself from having heart disease...

Had my third cycle yesterday

2009-05-21T00:00:00.005+08:00

I had my third cycle yesterday. It was as smooth as a breeze... I didn't feel bad at all during the night. Hands and feet felt numb when I awoke at 1 am last night, but it was bearable. If it's not because of the noise by the next door neighbour, I'd be sleeping like a log til 4 am for my morning prayer. I guess the yoga that I practise everyday played an additional role for my peaceful sleep at night.

They prescribed me with Pegfilgrastim yesterday, the medication to boost the bone marrow. This time I didn't get the help of the district nurse. In fact, my husband became my nurse and injected the medication on my belly. I tend to recover faster with it and next week I'd be on my bike again, cycling to school.

The weather has not been good during the last few days as it has been drizzling on and off. Rupa has made an offer to pick me up whenever I need to go to school if it rains. It's an offer that I can't resist. I need to attend a seminar this Friday by a visiting Professor from Montreal, Canada. I have met him during PATAT conference last August in Montreal, and it would be thrilled to see him again here...

From golf ball to a small marble

2009-05-19T05:03:00.002+08:00

I had an appointment with the Oncologist this morning. As usual, blood was taken to see if I have met the right level for me to be infused again tomorrow. The drug to boost the bone marrow really works. I recovered quite fast compared to the first cycle's experience.

When the doctor measured the size of the lump, I'm pleased to learn that it has shrunk to 3 cm in diameter. Alhamdulillah, thank God the golf ball has now shrunk into a small marble. I'm responding well to the treatment and hopefully it will further shrink until it's completely gone. According to the doctor, even if it's gone, I would still need to undergo surgery. Opps, what is there to remove??? He said there could be traces of cells left as we don't know what's going on inside there. Well, will I put myself under the knife if it's completely gone? It's going to be a major decision and of course, there will be a lot of things to weigh. When the time comes, I'll do my istiharah (the additional prayer that we always do to choose) and see what it leads me to...

As the lump keeps shrinking, I keep on believing that cancer is fungus. Like other infections, when it is given medication, the problem will go away. Same goes with my BC...

Cancer is fungus?

2009-05-12T16:34:00.002+08:00

It has been a week since my last posting and guess what, I had lots of returning visitors yesterday. Friends might be wondering as to what I'm up too. Don't worry guys, I'm well and fine. I have been busy re-organizing my EndNote, figuring out the best strategies to start writing as in six months time I need to report (in the six mth progress report) how many chapters have I written for my thesis.

During my break time, I still read and watch videos on cancer. Once, I came across a statement that cancer is a fungi. So yesterday I google search again and found a video on this - check this out http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HQuODiMlUsc . A prominent Italian Oncologist explains his view that cancer is fungus and can be easily treated by using sodium bicarbonate.

There is also an evidence in one site about cancer being a fungi which I thought I should cut and paste here :

Fungal spores are everywhere, millions of tiny particles are in the air, and the food we eat. They can enter the body in many ways, through the intestinal tract, the nose and lungs, and organs exposed to the world at large. We generally do not develop an infection from these intruders. However, when the immune system is compromised, the tissues are poorly oxygenated, the body is malnourished, these spores become the dominant life form and begin to grow.

Dr. Otto Warburg (Nobel Prize Winner) found that simply reducing the oxygen supply to normal healthy tissue, it became cancerous. What he was really experiencing was that fungal spores, hidden in most living tissue, were able to grow aneorobically, becoming the dominant life form. Normal healthy tissue needs oxygen to live and grow, cancer and fungus cells can use sugar as their primary source of energy for growth, this is called anaerobic respiration or fermentation.

However, there are still some debates about this issue. Whatever it is, I like to think and believe that it's true. What I have done including drinking lots of oxygenated water, has shown some improvement. I can't really feel the lump anymore. It feels like the mass tissue that a normal breast should be. Moreover, the nipple is not that inverted anymore. Well, I have an appointment with my Oncologist next week and let's see what he says about it. If the lump is gone, I probably wouldn't need a surgery at all...

Alive and kicking...

2009-05-05T22:41:00.002+08:00

Now that my fellow students have learned about my BC, I thought I should constantly post in this blog so that they know that I'm alive and kicking :-) It has been a week since my last infusion and I feel much better eventhough I caught a skin infection near my mouth. My blood count has risen I hope, as I'm not as pale as before. Thanks to Farizah for bringing me the crab meat soup. The idea came from back home, they say if one is infected by dengue fever, give him crab meat soup to boost the platelet count. It's true as I came across a site that gave me an idea of what to eat to boost the blood count - seafood! Some suggested lamb/mutton soup to boost the blood count. It doesn't work for me as my blood pressure shot up when I ate lamb/mutton.

It has been a good bank holiday weekend; of course I did not go out and join the crowd to hunt for bank holiday bargain. No money, stay quiet! (tara wang duk diam2 looo). Without the allowance, if we could put food on the table, it's already a blessing. No luxury, just live within our means...I've sent an appeal letter to my sponsor; this time attaching a reference letter from my doctor telling that this is a life threatening condition and I should continue with the chemo that I have started on. If they don't understand, I just don't know what they are thinking about. And as for me, whether they approve or not, I'd still stay and proceed with the treatment. I'm a free man and I get to decide what's best for my life. If I die, they are not going to mourn for my loss, my family will. At most, my employer will talk about it for a week; after that they will simply find a replacement for me. Those emails in circulation about treating your family first, is very much true. So, to my workaholic friends out there, work smart. Don't stay til too late at the office, cheerish your family while you can.

I'm quite touched about the news this morning about the gunmen in Turkey killing 44 in wedding massacre. What has happened to the world now as there seems to be no peace at all! A wedding is supposed to be a happy and joyful ceremony and it turned out to be a massacre. Morale of the story, life is so fragile and we should always be ready...

Some useful indicators

2009-05-01T17:03:00.002+08:00

In my recent readings I found some useful indicators that might be useful to everybody as a precautionary measure. I'd just copy & paste here for easier understanding :

Chinese concepts. Dr. Chi reports that 80% of cancer patients lack some of the half-moons on their fingernails, and have teeth-marks (indentations) on the sides of their tongues. Look at the fingernails. There should be half-moons at the base of the thumbnail and the nails of the first three fingers. Not the pinkies. If there are less than 4 half-moons on each hand, this indicates low cellular oxygenation. Enzymes and Vein Lite have been used by some to increase half-moons.

True enough, I have the half-moon on my thumbs only which indicate that my cells lack the oxygen and hence, a good environment for the cancer cells to grow.

Look at the tongue. Scallops or indentations along the edge are called "teeth-marks. This can indicate edema, low immunity and poor digestion. Use cooked asparagus or Chi's "Asparagus Extract" as directed on the bottle. There are reports of cancer recoveries from eating asparagus daily. Canned is fine. Puree it and take 1/4 cup twice a day. People have also reported that taking iodine corrects teeth-marks.

I have the teeth-marks too :-) So, what do I do now? Fida stopped by yesterday to pass me the virgin black seed oil. TQ Fida. In our country it's called jintan hitam. I have started to take it this morning. It doesn't taste good but what the hack, I need to get better.

I should also try the asparagus as suggested above. I recently had an email from a friend that asparagus can help cure cancer. Oh well, every suggestion helps...

Second infusion today

2009-04-29T01:00:00.003+08:00

I had my second infusion this afternoon. It was quite busy at the treatment room today, almost all seats were taken and the nurses were really busy. I had my blood taken to test whether the blood count has increased. Last week the reading was 1.3 and it must be more than 1.5 to be infused again. Thank God, today my blood count has increased to 4.2. My bone marrow is quite slow in producing the blood cells and as the result, they prescribed my with something to boost my bone marrow to produce more cells so that I won't miss the three week cycle for the next infusion. It needs to be injected 24 hours after the infusion. They have scheduled for a district nurse to visit me tomorrow to inject the medicine.

This time I did not wear the cold cap. I see no point of wearing it as I lost my hair anyway. I've lost 50% of it already, I might as well lose them all. I've never been bald before, why not be one for a change! After all, bald is beautiful. Babies look sweet being bald. I've got to check with my mum whether I was bald then.

The infusion went smooth; still the same Doxorubicin and Cyclophosphamide. I should expect the same nausea feeling, taste change and sore mouth. I just need to check my body temperature everyday, if it goes above 38 degree celcius, I would have to go to the hospital. Hopefully it will not reach 38. I just have to stay indoor as my immunity is low. With the swine flu around, I'd better stay in and keep myself busy. There are lots of papers to read and writings to be done.

I reached home quite late and my stomach was growling. Luckily there were some porridge courtesy of Ina Adam. TQ Ina if you are reading. I did not receive my allowance this time; they say they have overpaid me. Well, rezeki Allah ada dimana-mana...

Sudden surge in my hits

2009-04-23T17:52:00.002+08:00

I'm quite amazed to see a sudden surge in my hits. When I created the blog, I purposely set the hits so that I would know whether my blog is being visited or not. I presume this current surge is because of Raden, our star blogger who currently launched her book - Kanser Payudaraku. I certainly have ordered one and can't wait to read it! Thank you Raden for including me on your sidebar. So, will I be another star in-the-making? Perasan... Well, breast cancer experience is very unique; what I am going through is totally different from Raden's or others' as it depends on individual's stage, grade, HER2 receptors and estrogen/progesteron receptors. My kind of treatment is kind of unique too. Usually when one is diagnosed, the immediate reaction is to be under the knife, followed by chemo and radiation. At least that was what my sister-in-law (BC survivor) did when she was diagnosed 12 years back. She had total mastectomy including some of her glands. When it was sent for biopsy, her glands were not affected at all. What a waste...

My friend was asking me as to why I need to shrink the tumor first when I can get it removed instantly. That was a good alternative isn't it. Over here in the UK, they let the patient decide on what kind of treatment that the patient prefers. Since I'm studying, I can't afford to be away for a long time, so I told my breast care nurse that I want a treatment that is fast for me to recover, and doesn't take too long in the operation theater as I worry that I might wake up in another world and not in this world (you know what I mean - dead looo). So they gave me suggestions as posted in my earlier postings. When the Oncologist saw that my BC grade was 2/3, he suggested that I go for chemo first and hopefully when the tumour has shrunk, I'd just go for lumpectomy - removing the tumour only and not the whole breast. So, incase you are reading and you are being diagnosed (nauzubillah), don't just cepat melatah and go for surgery there and then, unless your grade is 3/3 or your type is the Inflammatory Breast Cancer (IBC) when the spreading rate is very fast like a superwoman!

Going back to the surge in my hits, this is actually what I want to share with you guys, my treatment here in the UK. Yesterday I had a call from my breast care nurse asking me how I feel and how I'm getting on with my research and so on. Since I have been on my chemo, I have been liaising with the Oncology Research and I did not go and visit her at the Breast Institute. Guess what that single call affects me psychologically...It's really good to know that they really care and in a way, it's telling my mind that I will survive. Is this being practise elsewhere? If you are reading and you have the same experience, maybe you could provide me with an answer.

I had a bad news too yesterday. Our senior when I was in secondary school, died of heart attack when he was attending a seminar. Innalillah... I think it is more tragic than having a BC huh. At least I have my warning. It's a warning that I have not done enough.

My friend was telling me that she is going away for a weekend getaway just the two of them. She said, jangan jeles... To tell you the truth, I'm not jealous at all, infact, we usually do it especially during our anniversaries. We told the kids that, mak gi course, abah teman mak (I'm attending course and the father is following me). Well, the only place that I want to go next is to Mekah. I've been there in 1998 for my Haj. Guess how much sins I have re-collected in 11 years...

Second infusion postponed til next week

2009-04-21T00:45:00.003+08:00

I met the oncologist again this afternoon for another biopsy. The reason for another biopsy is that I'm involved in the genetic study; the previous one was a sample for being involve in the trial, and this time is for the genetic study. I told him about the long-lasting bruises and the mass that I thought was the tumor which has spread. Luckily it's not. The needle of the last biopsy must have hit a vein and there was an internal bleeding. It will go off. Today's one is much better. It didn't bleed that much and it wasn't painful at all.

One good news for today, the tumour has shrunk a bit. The last measurement was 4.5 cm and it has gone down to 4.0 cm. The affected glands under the armpit have shrunk as he could not feel them anymore. What a relief! My graviola, lemon grass tea, yoga, ozone treatment and the prayers really help. Alhamdulillah.

The second infusion which was scheduled for tomorrow, has been postponed to next week. He felt sorry for my sore mouth and thought that it should be treated before I go for the second infusion. He prescribed for me some antibiotics and the oral rinse to help ease the pain.

I'm having 'bubur McD' today. We had our helwa gathering last Saturday and the host, Mazlina or Mama2D gave a demo on how to prepare it and we get to bring some home (like berkat for kenduri) . My two younger daughters finished it off almost instantly. Since my mouth is still sore, something soft would be good, so I cooked some.

My weight has also gone down a bit. Other people have been trying hard to lose weight and mine came down naturally. Well, having cancer is not too bad huh :-). Cancer anyone? This reminds me of the comments from Mamayati & Raden. Glad to know you, ladies. Although people say I'm a one tough cookie, a strong support from friends who share the same experience will really help...

Back to school for seminar

2009-04-18T00:46:00.002+08:00

Boy it feels good to cycle again to school. We had a talk by Prof David E Goldberg, the writer of Genetic Algorithms for Search, Optimization, and Machine Learning. His book has been widely cited by people in the area of Optimization and since my supervisor highly recommends us to go for this talk, I thought I shouldn't miss the opportunity. It was a good talk and it was soothing to listen to the american slang again as it reminds me of the old times when I was in Oregon.

I was excited to see my colleagues again; they say I'm like my regular self, no difference at all. My scarf did a good job in hiding my other side effects of the chemo - hair loss.

I was quite sad to see a handful of hair at the bath tub hole after my shower this morning. When I comb my hair, a handful more; I guess the cooling cap doesn't really work huh. My hair is everywhere, on my clothes, on the carpet, on the pillow. I hope it won't get into our food! Other people usually shave their head during this time but I don't think I can do it. Without my hair I'd look like 'toyol', a mythical spirit in the malay mythology. Luckily, I still have my eyebrow and eyelashes. But based on my father's experience (he had chemo for his non-hodgkin lymphoma disease), every hair would be affected, even the pubic hair would drop off!

I brought back some more books from the office. Two of my abstracts have been accepted for conferences; one in Dublin in August, and one more in Bonn, Germany (in July). I now have to work hard to produce the full papers for journals. I really hope that the subsequent chemo would follow the same pattern of the first one as in between the grogginess, I manage to continue with my research. I'm not calling it a quit at this point of time as I've spent almost two years on my research. As the malay proverb says, alang-alang menyeluk pekasam, biar sampai ke pangkal lengan...

Sore mouth

2009-04-16T05:26:00.002+08:00

It has been two weeks after the infusion, and I'm now having one of the side effects - sore mouth. I have blisters/ulcers in my mouth and it surely is painful. I can't seem to enjoy solid food and as the result, we had bubur lambuk (porridge) with lots of lemon grass in it, for our lunch. Everyone seems to enjoy it; a full pot cleared at one go, no leftover :-)

Nadia dropped by to hand in more lemon grass and I now have months of supply. If you are reading Nadia, probably you could hold it for a while and I'll inform when I run out of it :-) It has been hard without a car; we are back to square one - I walk to get my groceries and my husband has to cycle to a farther location to get our supply. What a good exercise huh.

My ozonator is here already and I'm still figuring out the best location to install it. I have recieved a little warning from a friend about the ozone treatment. Well, I have done my research and I kind of know how to weigh what is good and what is bad for me. After all, we are our own doctor. Some might think I'm stubborn for not following their suggestions. Let it be, I believe in what I'm doing. When I believe in it, it will trigger in my brain and whatever I believe, will really happen. Just like Leon Jackson said in his song :

there can be miracles
when you believe
though hope is frail
it's hard to kill
who knows what miracle you can achieve
when you believe, somehow you will
You will when you believe...

I had a call from the nurse yesterday for another appointment next Monday. They are going to do another biopsy which I really dread. The bruises from the last biopsy has not gone yet and too bad I'd have to go through it again. And if the blood count has increased, I'm due for the second infusion on Tuesday. Still a long way to go...

3D animation videos on Cancer

2009-04-13T19:22:00.002+08:00

I was googling videos on breast cancer yesterday and guess what I found - 3D animation video on how the cancer cells look like. It is here at http://www.cancerquest.org/, click on Videos and animation, and have fun learning Biology again! What I like about it is that it helps in my visualisation. Whenever I drink my graviola or my lemon grass tea, or reciting the prayers to shrink or kill the cancer cells, I can visualise that the cancer cells died like in the video.

I have already added another blog in my favourite list - Dr Hasanah's entries. I found it through Raden's link. Congratulation Raden for having your own book. I plan to write my own too and I hope it will materialise during this period of hybernation. Spring has sprung and I really need to stay indoor as I'm proned to get hay fever. Since my first chemo, I've been out once, last Saturday, to Aldi around 5 minutes walk from my home, to get some groceries. It was drizzling at that time and I'm pretty sure there is no pollen hanging on the air!

I'm doing really well with the after chemo effect. My blood pressure has gone back to normal - 106/86, body temperature at around 36 degree celcius. My taste bud is ok although I do have sore mouth. I have a good night sleep and I wake up feeling fresh. For all these, Alhamdulillah...

Young Dracula

2009-04-07T19:12:00.003+08:00

We were watching Young Dracula on TV yesterday and I passed a remark, "Dracula wouldn't want to suck my blood." My innocent boy was curious and asked, "why?". I bluntly replied, "because I have cancer...". The whole family burst into laughter :-)

The kids are on two weeks Easter break and since I'm grounded, and our car is a total loss because of the accident, we have no where to go. I kind of pity them as they envy their friends having to travel and go for vacations during the holiday. No worries, as long as we have each other to keep us company, it really is a blessing.

As they have no where to go, they are invading my computer and my work space. I now have constructed a new work space down at the corner of my dining room.

I'm practising a basic yoga through a dvd/book that I bought from a charity shop during my recent course. At least it helps as I heard, yoga is good to help cure cancer. I know some friends might object to this as in my country, yoga is banned by our religious belief. Well, I'm doing it for the sake of exercising and if it helps to make me feel better, why not?

E-book on One-minute cure all diseases

2009-04-07T01:21:00.006+08:00

In my quest to know more and more about cancer, I came across an ebook written by a doctor who had 3 of his family members died of cancer. I had to buy it for USD39.95 but the information was worth it!

This ebook has given me the answer that I'm looking for. Believe it or not, every human being has cancer cells in his or her body. Mine has triggered because my body lacks of OXYGEN. In a low-oxygen environment, cancer cells can multiply into a full-blown disease. In my case, the lump has turned cancerous.

Cancer cells are anaerobic, meaning they can live in an insufficient oxygen environment. But when they are given lots of oxygen, they will die. In the ebook, the author has been preaching about oxygen therapy, namely ozone and hydrogen peroxide. I'm willing to try the ozone and have already bought an ozonator for my drinking water. Hydrogen peroxide? I don't dare to try it yet as it sounds scary...

Now that I know the root cause of my disease, I intend to treat it at root. My sister and friends have been persuading me to take Transfer Factor which they say could reduce the size of the tumour. From my reading, TF is boosting the immune system and guess what it's made of? Colustrum and egg. And how much does a monthly consumption cost? RM750! And it's through Direct Selling. No wonder the uplines are making a hefty sum of RM45K per month. Good money eh? If they really want to help, why are they taking advantage of other people's mishap? How many cows and chickens are there in this world that could produce colustrum and eggs? Going back to the ebook, in the introduction section, the author was telling about disease being a big business. Pharmaceutical companies makes lots of profits and often times the drugs do not cure the disease but to relief the symptoms so that the patients have to continually take the medicine. Nutritionist would not want to be left behind as they are taking advantage and making profits too. They would say that their products are not medicine, but supplements to help cure the disease. NONSENSE!

As far as my immune is concerned, I guess I still have a strong immune system as I feel fine with the after chemo effect. No doubt I feel a bit nausea, like a pregnant woman (although I'm not pregnant). But then again, I have experienced it five times already through my pregnancies and I can pretty well cope with it. My intention now is to really work hard on my PhD, finish it as fast as I can so that I can go back to my home country. When I get back, I would like to settle down in my hometown where there are abundance of oxygen (a country life as they term it here). I'm going to breed my own chickens and fishes or cows for that matter, and plant my own vegetables. I want to lead a healthy life and who knows I might live to see my great grandchildren...

My first chemo

2009-04-03T03:15:00.006+08:00

I had my first chemo last Tuesday 31/3/09. These are some snapshots on how it's done. It's not that bad. The drugs are injected into the vein. One good thing being in the cold weather, when the nurse poked the needle, it's not that painful at all.

I'm wearing a cold cap to help reduce hair loss. It reminds me of the Combat movie when I was little, hence I name this cold cap "topi combat". It is worn 15 minutes before the treatment, and it has to be changed every 45 minutes throughout the treatment. For the whole two hour duration, my husband has got to run upstairs to get the cold cap from the freezer.

These are the drugs that got into my vein. The red coloured one is Doxorubicin; two tubes of it. In between the nurse injected in the anti sickness medication. Then only the big bag of Cyclophospamide is dripped into the vein. Surprisingly, I don't feel hot at all. With the saline (salt water) and those much drugs that got into my vein, the one thing that I need was to pee. Luckily the nurse warned me that my urine might be pinkish. True enough, I had a pink urine! Put some milk on it, it would become "air bandung"... one of our country's favourite drink :-)

The cold cap needs to be worn 45 minutes after the treatment too and while waiting, the nurse made us coffee and offered us biscuits. What a service! No way we can get it anywhere else.

How is my after effect of the chemo? Right after, I felt a bit dizzy but I can walk around the house at ease. My taste bud is also alright; I was really hungry when I get back, luckily Nadia brought me "sambal ikan bilis" and her crysenthemum tea...

I had problem during the night whereby the whole body felt numb; even my face felt "semut2". My joints were aching and I had a terrible time sleeping. I've been tossing around for almost two hours, can't get to sleep, envying my husband snoring, that I went down and made myself a hot chocolate and oats. I applied my aloe very icy cool to relieve the aching and Alhamdulillah, I managed to get some sleep.

Yesterday and today is also fine. I notice that my taste bud is getting funny, so when I cook, my husband gets to taste it. Luckily I don't have sore mouth yet. I guess the lemon grass tea helps. I've been drinking lots of fluids and taking lots of fruits. Aldi is nearby our house where we can get good supply of fruits; kiwi fruit 6 for 49p, apples 49p, grapes 69p, oranges 69p...oww!

Lemon grass, a cure for cancer?

2009-03-29T16:51:00.002+08:00

I recently had an email from my friend that lemon grass can cure cancer. Another wonder of tropical rainforest! Here's some info about lemon grass.

The article is by Allison Kaplan Sommer:
‘At first, Benny Zabidov, an Israeli agriculturalist who grows greenhouses full of lush spices on a pastoral farm in Kfar Yedidya in the Sharon region, couldn’t understand why so many cancer patients from around the country were showing up on his doorstep asking for fresh lemon grass.
‘It turned out that their doctors had sent them.
‘’They had been told to drink eight glasses of hot water with fresh lemongrass steeped in it on the days that they went for their radiation and chemotherapy treatments,’ Zabidov told ISRAEL21c. ‘And this is the place you go to in Israel for fresh lemon grass.’
‘It all began when researchers at Ben Gurion University of the Negev discovered last year that the lemon aroma in herbs like lemon grass kills cancer cells in vitro, while leaving healthy cells unharmed.
‘The research team was led by Dr. Rivka Ofir and Prof. Yakov Weinstein, incumbent of the Albert Katz Chair in Cell-Differentiatio n and Malignant Diseases, from the Department of Microbiology and Immunology at BGU.
‘Citral is the key component that gives the lemony aroma and taste in several herbal plants such as lemon grass (Cymbopogon citratus), Melissa (Melissa officinalis) and verbena (Verbena officinalis. )
‘According to Ofir, the study found that citral causes cancer cells to ’commit suicide: using apoptosis, a mechanism called programmed cell death.
‘A drink with as little as one gram of lemon grass contains enough citral toprompt the cancer cells to commit suicide in the test tube.
‘The BGU investigators checked the influence of the citral on cancerous cells by adding them to both cancerous cells and normal cells that were grown in a petri dish. The quantity added in the concentrate was equivalent to the amount contained in a cup of regular tea using one gram of lemon herbs in hot water. While the citral killed the cancerous cells, the normal cells remained unharmed.
‘The findings were published in the scientific journal Planta Medica, which highlights research on alternative and herbal remedies. Shortly afterwards, the discovery was featured in the popular Israeli press.
‘Why does it work? Nobody knows for certain, but the BGU scientists have a theory.
‘’In each cell in our body, there is a genetic program which causes programmed cell death. When something goes wrong, the cells divide with no control and become cancer cells. In normal cells, when the cell discovers that the control system is not operating correctly - for example, when it recognizes that a cell contains faulty genetic material following cell division it triggers cell death,’ explains Weinstein. ‘This research may explain the medical benefit of these herbs.’
‘The success of their research led them to the conclusion that herbs containing citral may be consumed as a preventative measure against certain cancerous cells.
‘As they learned of the BGU findings in the press, many physicians in Israel began to believe that while the research certainly needed to be explored further, in the meantime it would be advisable for their patients, who were looking for any possible tool to fight their condition, to try to harness the cancer-destroying properties of citral.
‘That’s why Zabidov’s farm - the only major grower of fresh lemon grass in Israel - has become a pilgrimage destination for these patients. Luckily, they found themselves in sympathetic hands. Zabidov greets visitors with a large kettle of aromatic lemon grass tea, a plate of cookies, and a supportive attitude.
‘’My father died of cancer, and my wife’s sister died young because of cancer,’ said Zabidov. ‘So I understand what they are dealing with. And I may not know anything about medicine, but I’m a good listener.And so they tell me about their expensive painful treatments and what they’ve been through. I would never tell them to stop being treated, but it’s great that they are exploring alternatives and drinking the lemon grass tea as well.’
‘Zabidov knew from a young age that agriculture was his calling. At age 14, he enrolled in the Kfar Hayarok Agricultural high school. After his army service, he joined an idealistic group which headed south, in the Arava desert region, to found a new moshav (agriculturalsettlement) called Tsofar.
‘’We were very successful; we raised fruits and vegetables, and,’ he notes with a smile, ‘We raised some very nice children.’
‘On a trip to Europe in the mid-80s, he began to become interested in herbs.
Israel , at the time, was nothing like the trend-conscious cuisine-oriented country it is today, and the only spices being grown commercially were basics like parsley, dill, and coriander.
‘Wandering in the Paris market, looking at the variety of herbs and spices, Zabidov realized that there was a great export potential in this niche. He brought samples back home with him, ‘which was technically illegal,’ he says with a guilty smile, to see how they would grow in his desert greenhouses.
Soon, he was growing basil, oregano, tarragon, chives, sage, marjoram and melissa, and mint just to name a few.
‘His business began to outgrow his desert facilities, and so he decided to move north, settling in the moshav of Kfar Yedidya, an hour and a half north of Tel Aviv. He is now selling ’several hundred kilos’ of lemon grass per week, and has signed with a distributor to package and put it in health food stores.
‘Zabidov has taken it upon himself to learn more about the properties of citral, and help his customers learn more, and has invited medical experts to his farm to give lectures about how the citral works and why.
‘He also felt a responsibility to know what to tell his customers about its see. ‘When I realized what was happening, I picked up the phone and called Dr. Weinstein at Ben-Gurion University , because these people were asking me exactly the best way to consume the citral. He said to put the loose grass in hot water, and drink about eight glasses each day.’
‘Zabidov is pleased by the findings, not simply because it means business for his farm, but because it might influence his own health. ‘Even before the news of its benefits were demonstrated, he and his family had been drinking lemon grass in hot water for years, ‘just because it tastes good.'’

Luckily lemon grass is easy to find here - I can have 5 stalks for 99p. It's spring already and we can even grow them by ourselves. My husband has a good hand for lemon grass - he can plant a real big fat one!

You can also benefit from it even if you don't have cancer. Eat more tomyam, rendang, and ayam masak merah...ermmm yummy...

Out of town for course

2009-03-24T07:26:00.000+08:00

I'm out of town for a week to attend a course. Some are amazed that I could still go away for course and not starting my chemo right away. Well, a week late won't kill; who knows how long I have been having it...

Breast cancer is actually unique and very individualised. What I have would not be the same as what other patients may have. It depends on the type of cancer, the stage and the grade of the cancer. The type of cancer that I have is the regular lump one, and can be seen clearly on the mammogram although I haven't seen mine on the screen just as yet.

When I told my friends that I have it, almost everyone has been asking "what stage is it?". To tell you the truth, I myself don't know what stage it is and when I asked the doctor about it, they also don't know until the tumour is removed and sent for biopsy. I guess they also would not want to speculate as it might scare the patient. Had I told everyone that I'm at stage 4, I'm sure everyone will come and hug me, cook for me, do chores for me, thinking that I might be dead in a few month time :-) No worries, I presume I'm still at stage 1 as a friend of mine who is doing her research on elderly breast cancer patients, said that a lump below 5 cm is still in stage 1.

The grade of the cancer is another factor to be considered. Grade 1 is the low grade, grade 2 is the intermediate, and grade 3 is the high grade. Grade 1 grows the most slowly while grade 3 grows the fastest and with the highest risk of it coming back. Mine is the intermediate and that is why the doctor is quite happy to let me go to attend course out of town.

The course that I'm attending is the series of courses that I have attended before and I'm seeing almost the same faces that attended the courses before. When I told them that I'll be going for chemo soon, they just could not believe how relax I'm. Of course they are speechless and felt like crying and again, amazed to see me taking it easily. Some of them ask whether I'm scared or not. Well, it doesn't matter if I'm scared or not, I need to be brave enough to fight this...

Screening completed

2009-03-22T04:18:00.004+08:00

With the CT Scan done yesterday, the screening stage is completed. I have never done CT Scan before; if you want to have an idea of how it's done or how the machine looks like, again, go to youtube :-) CT scan is like an x-ray but more advanced as it takes cross sectional images, which give a three dimensional image of the inside of the body. Before the procedure, a chemical was injected which gives funny hot feelings in the mouth and all over the body. It feels like wanting to pee too :-)

My blood pressure remains high, which worries me. See what the doctor says next week as the nurse will inform the doctor about it. I hope it won't delay the chemo which the first cycle is currently scheduled on 31/3.

I have added another link to my favourites, MacMillan Cancer Support which has some info about the chemo drugs that I'll be having. Follow the link below for the side effects of the drug.
http://www.cancerbackup.org.uk/Treatments/Chemotherapy/Individualdrugs/Cyclophosphamide.

This morning I had the chance to resume my weekly exercise class - Poco-Poco. It really feels gooood...

Think positive

2009-03-20T13:58:00.000+08:00

I was washing dishes yesterday morning when I heard in the radio about the impact of one terminal cancer patient (who's story has been widely publicised) to other cancer patients. I prefer not to mention name here but if you are in the UK, you'd know who I meant. To me, thinking positive really helps in battling the cancer. It's even agreed by the cervical cancer survivor that the radio broadcaster interviewed. She was diagnosed when she was 36, and she is now 51. Of course she has undergone all the chemos and radiotherapies. She said when she had the chemo, she would visualize and tell the good cells to hide away and visualized that the chemo drugs attacking the cancer cells. Well, that's what I do when I recite some verses of the Qura'an to kill the cancer cells. I'll do the same when I have the chemo.

I had another visit to the hospital yesterday. The nurse gave me a briefing on the side effects of the chemo drugs and what precautions I should take. I had my weight and height taken and also my blood! To my surprise, when my blood pressure was measured, the reading was way to high! I've never reached 165/110 before as usually mine was 110/70 and at most 130/80. How could it be? Probably I'm feeling anxious of what I'm going through at the moment or probably that treatment area made my blood pressure goes up. The lady who was having her infusion at that time told me that her blood pressure was way too high too during her first visit. What a relief! Anyhow the nurse will measure my blood pressure again today before I go for my CT scan in the afternoon. I had my Echo test yesterday. Echocardiogram (Echo) is actually an untrasould study of the heart. I have never done Echo before and all this while I have been seeing Adnin and Aqilah having it. It's really tricky for a lady to have it as the breast stays on top of the heart...

Learn more about breast cancer through youtube...

2009-03-19T05:01:00.000+08:00

Friends have been asking on how to do self examination, and my suggestion would be to go to youtube and search for breast dot dot dot. There are lots of videos on breast self examination, there is also a video on self examination for man. If you are a man and reading this, don't think you can escape from it - men can also get breast cancer!

I have been viewing some videos on youtube too to find out more about this. I have watched the videos by the professors of UCSF that I found very useful to understand what I'm going through and the treatment that I will go though.

Today, there is a news on Yahoo about mushroom and green tea which can lower the risk of breast cancer and also good for treating breast cancer. I like mushroom and I have green tea in stock. Probably I should give it a try.

To fans of Darth Vader (my husband is one of them), the actor of Darth Vader is also on treatment for cancer - prostate cancer...

Special visitor came to visit

2009-03-17T06:28:00.000+08:00

Last Saturday, our Education Attache, Puan Azimah and her husband came all the way from Manchester to visit. I'm very pleased to see her and really appreciate her strong support in this.

Another occasion that cheered me up during the weekend was being able to communicate with my daughter back in my home country. She is sitting for a major exam this year and I hope this news doesn't affect her in her studies. True enough, she's as strong as her mother; all that she asked was "how could it happen?" Good question Aina, it's for you to find out. I hope it will further spark her interest in becoming a doctor or an Oncologist. As for me, I can only educate people about this through my own experience...

Outcome of the meeting with the Oncologist yesterday...

2009-03-14T17:05:00.000+08:00

The meeting on Friday was to inform about the chemo that I'll go through. Since I opt for removing just the lump and save as much breast as I can, the Oncologist (specialist in Cancer) offered me to participate in a study of two different drug treatments for Women with breast cancer before surgery : Doxorubicin and Cyclophospamide followed by either Ixabepilone or Paclitaxel. The names of the drugs don't make any sense to me but they would to some of my friends here, hence I mention it. I'm only concern about the side effects that I may get like :

low white blood cell count : increases the risk of infection and if not controlled could become life-threatening
Anaemia : (low red blood cell count) may make me feel tired and short of breadth
Decrease platelet count : increase the risk of bleeding or bruising
Numbness and tingling in limbs : may affect my quality of life
Nausea, vomiting, abdominal cramping, diarrhoea and constipation
Fatigue (tiredness) or weekness
Allergic Reactions
Hair loss

What choice do I have? Like it or not, I'd still have to go through this. To my surprise, when the Oncologist measured the diameter of the lump, it was 4.5 cm. The size has increased from 3.1 cm during the diagnosis. I'm now rigorously reciting the prayers (some verses in the Qura'an) to shrink/kill the cancel cells...

Read, read and read...

2009-03-12T04:09:00.000+08:00

The nurse gave me lots of booklets to read about breast cancer and what would the treatment be like. I've been reading about chemotherapy to understand it better so that I know what to expect during the treatment. One prominent one would be hair loss. From what I gather, there are some types that would not result in hair loss. I hope I'd get that one. I just can't imagine how I'd look like being bald! Luckily I'm always with my scarf on so that when I go out, people won't notice the difference. Cancer patients here are provided with wigs. Any suggestions on what colour should I get one? Blonde? Brunette? Black? Purple?

Yesterday the nurse gave me a book for children entitled "Mummy's lump". It uses simple words and pictures to help explain to children what happens from the time of diagnosis to the end of treatment. The breast cancer care here is very well advanced in that they even have books on how to convey the message to young children. I wonder if we have such thing in our country.

On another note, the graviola powder that I ordered has arrived. I have already tasted it, sprinkled some on my food. According to the seller, there are studies made in Japan and in Perdue University (Indiana) with exceptional results about this plant in treatments against cancer. They found a great amount of Acetogenina, a sustain that attacks cancer cells and does not destoy the good ones. Maybe I should look for some breakthroughs in breast cancer on the net. The oncologist mentioned about a clinical trial chemo drug which could be an option for me. I'll get to know more about it on Friday...

Opps, operation postponed until after chemo

2009-03-11T05:39:00.000+08:00

I had meetings with the oncologist and the nurse this afternoon. Somehow the surgeon and the oncologist thought that I should go for chemo first to shrink the lump as it would be easier for the operation. I'll be meeting the oncologist again this Friday for further detail.

Frankly, I'm quite pleased that the operation is postponed as mentally, I'm not ready. It they schedule it as planned after my NATCOR course, I would have been ready. Roughly I'll go into surgery during summer as it takes around 15 weeks to go through the whole chemo sessions. Since the operation can wait till summer, I presume the cancer is not that bad. I'll recite the doa to shrink cancer cell, that my friend sent me. Hopefully the lump will shrink or vanish and I might not need any surgery at all!

I would also like to express my sincere thanks to Nadia who has chaperoned me to the hospital this afternoon. I know she is reading this as she has bookmarked my blog! Looking at the hits, I know that friends out there are following my story. Take it easy ladies. I pray that it won't happen to you. According to the nurse, today, there are nine new cases. I wonder how they can cope with all these...

They have scheduled the operation earlier...

2009-03-09T22:09:00.000+08:00

I received a call from the surgeon's secretary this morning informing that they have scheduled my first operation on March 11, 2009, this Wednesday. It is sooner than I expected but I guess the sooner the better. Like it or not, I'd have to be there at 7.30am as I'm second on the list. I cannot eat or drink anything from midnight. As we are now without a car, Sanya has kindly offered to take me to the hospital.

I have also informed my supervisor regarding this and of course he felt really sorry for me and offered anything he could do to help. He is really supportive and I'm really thankful for it. We have been thinking of study suspension but I need to find out about something first. I would also have to write to my employer and sponsor about this.

If any of you is watching 'Heroes', how I wish I'd be like Hiro Nakamura who can stop time and alter whatever has happened. Deep in my heart I wish that I could turn back the clock and correct this. But I believe whatever happens, there will be a blessing in disguise...

Another mishap happened...

2009-03-08T21:18:00.000+08:00

When the heat is still on about this breast cancer, another mishap happened. I thought I'd post it here since this is the blog that I'm constantly updating at this moment.

We were on our way to Calverton; the weather was really nice and we thought that we'd spend the time at carboot. At the intersection Greagory & Alfreton, when we were just about to go as the traffic light turned green, the pick up truck from our right, hit us. I was not concentrating at the road at the moment as I was trying to turn the radio volume down when I suddenly heard the loud bang! The next thing I know, the other vehicle has overturned and my kids were crying, real in shocked of what had happened. We ended up hitting the fence as per above pictures. Luckily there were a few witnesses around and they confirmed that we were on the right side as the light was green at that moment. The lady driver beat the red light and hit us. Her truck was badly damaged. She said she was going at 30 miles per hour, but looking at the damage, I doubt so. Otherwise the car would have not overturned and face the direction that she came from.

As soon as the accident happened, one of the passerby called the police to inform about the accident. Around five minutes later, the police, paramedic and firerescue came. I was quite worried about Adnin as she just had her operation. Luckily she was alright but still in a great shock. They have the comfort of Nadia who happened to pass through the area few minutes after.

My husband took a few seconds after the traffic light turned green before driving; usually turning down the volume or adjusting the gear. Had he just drove when the light was green, the truck would have hit directly at him and Adnin (who is sitting behind him). The impact would have been worse and we would all ended up at the hospital...

Am I strong?

2009-03-07T20:12:00.000+08:00

I'm not as strong as Mr T :-) but spiritually, I hope I'm. Most of the emails I received, commented that I'm a strong woman. Well, I have to be strong for my kids especially the last two. They are dependent on me; if I'm not well, who's going to bring them around for their treatment...

As per our activity, everything is as per normal. The whole family is accepting it well. There is nothing to mourn about. We have been receiving a lot of visitors; friends come and visit and quite surprised to see me as jolly as usual. All eyes focused on my chest area probably wondering which side it is; some get to feel it (ladies of course!). Whoever had the chance, in return, I'd squeeze their's too! We then giggled, enough to cheer me up.

Those who called, were also amazed to hear my voice as I was as cheerful as ever. My sister-in-law cannot sleep at night thinking how I'd be getting on with it. As for me, as soon as I lay my head on the pillow, I doze off already, sometimes awoke by my husband's snore.

My husband is also accepting it well. Her sister had it, now living well and healthy after 12 years.

Today is my husband's birthday...what a shocking 'birthday present' he received this year...

It's not the end of the world...

2009-03-06T22:26:00.000+08:00

March 5, 2009 is a date that I will never forget. It's the date that I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I received the news all by myself as my husband and kids left home after waiting for two hours, as there was only one consultant available during that day.

It's not the end of the world...Do I expect it? Well, I actually have suspected something when they took samples for biopsy; on the lump and the gland they discovered near the armpit. I was quite calm when the consultant told me that they found cancer cells on both spots. They assured me that it's treatable.

Breast cancer is quite common as one out of nine women is having it. Being at the place where I'm at now, I'm not that worried as they are very established and I believe I'm in pretty good hands with Allah's willing of course.

Before I write about the treatment that I will go through, I thought I'd recap on how I get into this. I've been having this lump for quite sometime now, I can't really remember from when. I thought it was just a milk gland and as I was busy, I kept on postponing seeing my GP about it. It was two weeks ago that I went for my pap smear and I requested the nurse to do a breast screening as I suspect there was a lump. She immediately referred my to the breast institute for further investigation. On March 3, 2009, I had a thorough check up by the specialist at the institute including mammogram, ultrasound and as well as biopsy where they poked long needle to get some samples from the lump.

They slot me in for an appointment with the plastic surgeon this morning and these are the three alternatives that they propose:

Mastectomy - means removing the whole breast, including the nipple, followed by chemo and radiotherapy. A year after, breast reconstruction, taking tissues from the "spare tyre" at the abdomen. Sounds good eh as I could have a flat tummy. But I can't bear the thought of having one breast only for the entire year!
Remove the whole tissues of the breast, leaving the skin out and putting in skin expander. After chemo and radiotherapy, take some tissues from the spare tyre and replace the skin expander.
Remove affected area only including the nipple (during first operation), send the tumor to the lab and if they are sure that they have taken good margin of affected area, three weeks after, go for second operation to remove the gland and reconstruct the breast by taking muscle from my back. Then only go for chemo and radiotherapy.

I'm fond of alternative 3 as it offers the fastest recovery and hopefully less time spent during operation.

This is certainly a new experience that I've never thought of happening. My friends are very supportive; thanks for the thoughts and prayers. I received lots of supportive emails and text messages as well as calls that I won't be able to answer each and everyone. If you are reading this, thank you very much and I really appreciate it. What an odd way to become famous...