Meeting friends

One of the interesting things that happened this week was a visit to my friend’s house in Kajang. I went with my other friend and over there I met another friend that made four of us ex-secondary school mates. Two of them I have not met since I left school. Imagine how much we had to catch up! Few hours were not enough and of course, we will be seeing each other again soon.

What did my friends say about me? Thank God, they said I don’t look sick at all. Meeting friends, giggling and laughing made me even much better. It’s really a natural therapy and all of us really enjoyed it.

So what did old girls talk about at this age? Well, mainly about health and how to stay gorgeous :-). There are few good tips too and worth sharing in this blog. The best one is the 6484 breathing technique; Inhale in the count of 6, hold in the count of 4, release in the count of 8, and hold in the count of 4. Do it as much as you can or at least 100 times a day. As I wrote previously about the lack of half moon on our nails being the sign of lack of oxygen, we managed to compare each other nails. Among us, I lack the half moon which shows I need to put into practice this 6484 breathing technique.

The other important thing is about belacan (shrimp paste) being one of the culprit. Too bad, I can’t resist not having belacan in my cooking. I have missed it when I was in the UK but over here, I have ample supply. Sambal tumis and asam pedas will not be very tasty without belacan. Well, I’d rather enjoy good food and for that, I’m willing to take the chances and continue using belacan in my cooking. I believe if we take it in moderation, it will not do any harm. On top of it, I will take something else to nutralise the toxin if there be.

One of the reasons for meeting my friend was to pick up the hempedu bumi or the scientific name - andrographis paniculata. I came across a site on this and you can refer to this for further information http://nileherb.blogspot.com/2008/09/andrographis-paniculata-hempedu-bumi_27.html . Another malay name for this is akar cerita. They say the taste of this herpedu bumi is bitter. In malay we say, pahitnya tak boleh cerita! Hence, akar cerita :-). My friend said the hempedu bumi is also sold in capsule. Ahhh, what a better solution - I got mine already while shopping for my groceries just now. I’ll start taking it tonight.

TQ Ina for driving me there and for the shifa’ dates. Thanks Zerque for the tips and last but not least, thank you Yan for hosting us and for the yummy raya pineapple tarts!

People's impression when they see me...

It has been three weeks since I get back. Frankly, I have not seen lots of people just as yet. With the pandemic going on, it's not advisable to socialize. Friends welcome me home through Facebook. A better way to do it, don't you think?

I get to meet some of my families during the first week of Ramadhan. What are their impressions on me? My sis-in-law said I gain some weight. Could this be one of the causes of me getting cancer? Well, it could be. I was around 62kg then. With the fasting and everyday massaging on the ceragem, I proudly announce that I shed some kgs and I hope I can loose somemore so that I look nice with my baju kurung for Eid :-)

When I met my side of the family, I straight away took off my scarf and showed them my almost bald head. I told them that this is my summer fashion and everyone laughed. But deep in their heart I know they feel sad for me. My mom said I really look like my late father. As I posted before, he used to do chemo too for his non-hodgkin lymphoma disease. I don't mind having a bald head. My husband said I have the same fashion as one of the top model that I can't recall her name at this moment :-)

To those who are undergoing chemo or about to do chemo, don't be sad of loosing your hair. It's a fun experience as we can't have it without the chemo. My kids like to touch my head and they envy the soft hair that I have at the moment. Come to think of it, I kind of like my hair this way as it is very convenient for me to shower and not having to comb my hair after that. It's even more convenient while praying as I can be really sure that no hair comes out of my praying costume.

I bet when I see more of my friends they don't even notice the difference. My eyebrow and eyelashes has also grown to its fullest and I don't look sick at all. My nails have turned pinkish again. Nails grow really fast here; my husband's theory is that cells grow very fast over here, we age faster too. I hope the healthy cell grow fast and not the cancer cell...

I’m feeling gooood…

Well, this is my first entry for the month of August. I’ve been keeping myself busy; early of the month preparing for the presentation at the conference in Dublin, and packing for home, right after.

We touched down on 16th of August, 2009, greeted by close relatives. They left soon after they sent us home. Unbelievably, the H1N1 (swine flu) is even worse here, people are wearing face masks. Unfortunately, my workplace is one of the high risk area with one death case reported so far.

I haven’t been to the hospital for a follow up on my cancer. The hospitals are now packed with H1N1 cases and hospital would be the last place I would visit. I’m feeling good and I don’t want to risk myself with other kind of sickness :-)

Food to help cure cancer are easy to find here. I bought my first soursop last week at Carrefour nearby. It really feels good to eat it fresh compared to the powdered one that I used to mix with my morning coffee. Asparagus is also available but I have not bought any yet as my blender is still on the way. Lemon grass can be found in abundance. During our last visit to my sister-in-law’s house, she gave me lots of lemon grass and I have planted some in my garden. During this fasting month, I can’t find the good time to drink my lemon grass tea and infact I seldom drink hot beverage because it’s hot here – I either drink plain water or iced beverages.

Other than food, I’m massaging on my ceragem everyday. Ceragem is a massage bed where it has hot jade balls to massage our body around 40 minutes per session. I use the external balls to massage my breast. I hope it will kill the cancer cells - same effect as the radiation would be. The lump has gone; if there is, it really is tiny and I’m not worried about it at all.

As for exercise, frankly speaking, I don’t do a proper exercise during this Ramadhan month. My only exercise is the tarawih prayer that I perform at Masjid Al-Falah everyday. For the benefit of my non-muslim friend, tarawih prayer is an additional prayer that we do during the month of Ramadhan. At Masjid Al-Falah, the Imam reads a chapter (juzuk) of the Al-Qur’an everyday. The total of 23 rakaat takes around two hours to complete. I sweat a lot; hopefully the toxins is get rid off together with the sweats…

I should say I’ve settled down comfortably at my home sweet home and embracing Ramadhan as if this would be my last…

Hair starts to grow

Six weeks after my last chemo, the hair starts to grow. The new hair looks very fine and I can still see my scalp clearly. At the rate of one centimeter per month, by the time we celebrate our Eid (raya le) I will have my punk head! It will be thrilled to see from bald to short hair as since my teen, I always wear my hair long.

The last few weeks before I leave for home, have been busy weeks for me. The packing is over as we finally loaded our boxes into the container last Monday. The house is clear and my other half likes it very much as he can move freely in the house! When packing is done, we are now busy accommodating friends' invitations. Last Sunday Mashitah invited us for dinner - double invite (jemput) I should say and Khairi had to pick us up from home because we have no car to drive there. Today, Rin is inviting us for dinner, tomorrow Wan and the day after, Asz. Wow! I can easily gain few kgs by the time I go back to my home country...

I now have to prepare my slides for the presentation at the conference. Do I have butterflies in my stomach? Of course I do. In fact, off late my blood pressure increases to a surprising level. I had a tip from Sya during lunch just now, to take air asam gelugur to quickly reduce the blood pressure. I'll try it when I get back and hope it works. Since the last two days, I have been having pain around the chest area; felt like heartburn that I used to have few years back. I haven't had it for quite a few years - thanks to the aloe vera gel and if this heartburn continues I might have to continue taking the aloe vera gel when I get back.

I google search for ways to reduce the blood pressure naturally and I came across a suggestion to breath slowly - say 10 breath per minute. I have been practising it if I cannot get to sleep and it works. Breathing slowly puts us in a alpha mode and the body will relax, hence reducing the blood pressure. That explains why the nurses always take the BP right after we get up. Probably I should try taking my pressure early in the morning tomorrow...

Final visit to the hospital

It's exactly a week today that I told the Oncology Research Unit that I wanted to terminate the clinical trial as I'll be leaving soon. The nurse set an appointment for me to see the Oncologist last Monday. The doctor is a little bit worried about me not having any treatment around one month prior to leaving home. He suggested that I continue until two weeks before I leave. Hard headed as I am, I just said that it won't be necessary as I wouldn't be able to complete the whole course anyway. In actual fact, I need the energy to do all the packings and to prepare myself for the conference next month. Moreover, with the swine flu around, I don't want to risk myself being in a low immune condition. 17 deaths have been reported in the UK and I definitely don't want to add to the number :-)

I'm feeling really fine now. Sometimes, I came to think that this whole thing is a false alarm. I did ask the doctor about the recent tumor marker test. He told me it was normal. Normal? What does he mean? Does that mean that the cancer has gone and I'm all clear? How I wish it's true. Let's see the report that I requested from him recently.

In the meantime, I am not worried about my blood pressure anymore. Yesterday I came across a site which states that the rule of thumb for a normal pressure is the age + 100. The older you are, the higher the pressure is. At my age, 130/100 is around normal. As long as I don't have any headache, and I don't feel dizzy, I consider myself normal. Enjen lama (old engine) what do you expect? There surely are a lot of build ups in my capilaries and having a slightly high pressure is normal. I'm not teens or twenties anymore (in myheart maybe :-)).

Of late, I've been very busy especially with the kids' school coming to an end. Sports day to go, this and that performances and so on. Tomorrow the key stage two kids are going to Twin Lakes for their excursions. I have to prepare some curry puffs for the kids as Adli's Pakistani friend, Faisal really adores my curry puff. His mum sent in some minced meat and potatoes for the curry puff. Of course, this doesn't have to do with cancer, and I'm slightly out of topic now, but just to note here for my remembrance...

Ixabepilone, paclitaxel or none?

The appointment last Monday went well. The doctor was quite surprised that the lump is almost gone but somehow, he got the measurement which is 1.5 cm. I was supposed to report how I felt after the infusion but I just told him the feeling was just the same as the rest. What worried me was the fact that I missed my regular menstrual. Am I pregnant? I can't get pregnant during chemo and thank God the blood test result confirmed that I'm not. What a relief!

The extra virgin olive oil must have done its wonders. It must have done something to my estrogen and that's why I don't get my period. Is it good? Of course! Estrogen is also food for cancer and without it the cancer cells are starving. But am I experiencing menopause? Surprisingly, I have not felt any hot flushes as experienced by women undergoing the process. No mood swing and no sign of osteoporosis either.

I had my echo test yesterday. The result is needed for them to randomize whether I'd be on ixabepilone every three weeks or paclitaxel every week. The nurse emailed me that I'd be on paclitaxel. I opt for none. I told her that I'll be leaving soon and requested for a report for me to continue my treatment in my home country. Now that swine flu is around, I can't risk myself being in a low immune condition. The nine swine flu death cases here are those with other medical conditions. I also need to look and feel healthy when I go back as I heard, upon arrival at the airport, whoever looks sick will be sent to the hospital - for quarantine maybe?

As for my blood pressure, I don't know why it has shot up quite high today. Am I worried? Angry? Something that I eat maybe? I'd better relax myself. Hopefully the trip to Skegness this Saturday will do me good. Our student union is organising its first family outing and this time is to Skegness, around 2 hours drive from here. We will go by bus and I'm sure the kids will be thrilled. The last time we went to the seaside was last year, during our camping trip at Wales. It was quite cold and windy during that time and we didn't get to touch the water. With this kind of weather, we might be able to walk on the shore...

I'll be back soon!

Long silence eh? One entry only for the month of June? It is because I'm keeping myself busy as in less than two months, I'll be in my home country! Just in time for fasting month and Syawal or Eid as they term it here.

The environment is not friendly to me anymore especially during the summer as I constantly get hayfever - my eyes turn red almost everyday. I can't be taking antihistamine, the hayfever relief medicine everytime. Who knows what side effects I might have. So the best thing is to go back where I belong. Besides, my husband has to resume work in November; I can't be staying by myself here and manage everything like I did before.

Wherever I am, my work is not affected as I will still continue with my study till the end. This last two month would be a marathon for me as I need to have draft of few chapters before I leave so that I can have a peace in mind embracing Ramadhan and Syawal when I get back. I'm also preparing stuff for the conference in Dublin in August. And right after the conference, I'll fly back.

Friends who know that I'm leaving have been asking about my treatment. Well, I have completed all four cycles of the Doxorubicin and Cyclophosphamide and I'm due for either paclitaxel or ixabepilone when I get back from my course next week. I don't intend to infuse anymore drug as even if I have it, I won't be able to complete it. So, might as well not having it at all as I need the energy for my marathon as well as packing my stuff to bring back home. I haven't told my doctor yet and will do it during the next visit on 6/7/09. I'll be meeting my breast care nurse too as recently she called to find out how I was doing and she was also planning to set an appointment with the surgeon. I guess I don't need one since I'll be leaving soon. The lump is gone and I don't see a need to go for surgery. I read in the article on John Hopkin's update recently that surgery can also cause cancer cells to spread to other sites. As my mother said, "bondo elok buek apo bongka2 (in loghat Negeri Sembilan) I'd better not having surgery at all. Whether I still have it or I might be cancer-free by now, the most important thing is to watch my diet. And back home I have a ceragem massage bed where I can massage my body everyday. I read in the Internet about a lady whose cancer is cured or controlled by massaging everyday and hopefully it works on me too. No worry, Ramadhan is coming, who know I might encounter the lailatul Qadar and my wish will come true...